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Alexandre Cormont

Getting back with your ex

Break Up Songs : 20 of the absolute best tracks to listen to in a break up

breakup song

When we’re in a break up, it’s really natural, and maybe even fundamental for many people out there, to binge on break up love songs. After all, they feel our pain and share our fears, right? Sometimes, an artist or songwriter can find the words that we can’t find ourselves, and therefore, music can actually serve as catharsis – or a mode of releasing the tensions we build during a breakup. However, it’s also important to acknowledge that with anything good, comes a little bad. So, it’s worth mentioning that even though breakup songs can really help, they can also keep us stuck in them. But, many of us want to stay stuck. We want to hang on, right?

In this article, I’ll discuss why we listen to breakup songs, whether or not they’re actually helpful, and of course, I’ll list a couple of the best break up love songs out there. This article is also supposed to be fun, and so, if you’ve found a particular breakup love song that I haven’t listed that’s really helped you during this difficult period, I invite you to leave a comment. Let me know what you’re listening to and how it’s affected you and helped you cope. I’d love to continue expanding my list of excellent break up love songs.

Why listening to break up song chan be helpful ? 

So, here we go – let’s discuss why we listen to songs on and about breakups. Firstly, it’s important to know we aren’t alone. In a breakup, we have a person, or group of people, speaking a couple of languages we can really understand – the languages of love and loss and pain and downright confusion. When we listen to these songs, we’re able to communicate subconsciously with these people, and able to channel our emotional intent into them and them into us. We connect with them deeply for the song’s duration. This is a great way of us to avoid feeling alone, and like we have the support of a team or at least are able to find comfort in the fact that we aren’t the only people in the world who have gone through this before. Knowing that this is a situation, or at least a set of feelings, that so many have felt and survived can give us hope. It can give it a sense of “tomorrow”.

Secondly, we have the opportunity to get the emotions out of us! What a relief! Phew! By listening to breakup music, we get to turn up the volume in our bedrooms, in our cars, on planes, trains and at work if we can, and scream out all the words we haven’t been able to say. Maybe, we’re screaming words we’re afraid to say. Or, maybe we didn’t even know we wanted to say them? Regardless of the reason, we finally get them out of our chest!.By doing that, even if it’s just for an instant or a handful of minutes, we’re able to get rid of the weight of those emotions and how they impact us. For a moment, a SECOND – we’re free. For a short period of time, we can truly displace our pain and feel the relief we’ve been looking for. What a luxury, right?

Lastly, we listen to break up love songs because we don’t want to let go of the relationship. We want to hang onto it and keep it alive. By listening the breakup songs, we get to continue focussing on the relationship – we relive the good, we relive the bad. We keep ourselves stuck in it.

Now, we need to ask ourselves, are break up love songs actually helpful? Do they really heal us? Or is being hooked on breakup love songs only further preventing us from moving on or healing? I’m sure the answer the these questions are relative to the person in the moment. However, I did want to take into this from a professional perspective.

In my opinion, breakup love songs are critical in the healing process. Rather than keep you stuck, they actually can indirectly force you to grieve and reflect on the love lost. This actually means you’re healing and growing and understanding what went wrong. If your goal is to get your ex back, understanding why the breakup happened is the number one most important thing you’ll need to identify and correct. This being said, breakup love songs may be a real handy tool. However, like I previously mentioned, with every good there is bad. It’s important to limit how many love songs your binging on. Maybe give yourself an hour a day to wallow in the pains associated with the breakup with your favorite breakup love songs or just the most recently or popular break up love songs. When that hour is up, though, it’s going to be really important for you to turn off the radio or music application and get back to your life. Do not let it consume you completely. I cannot stress this enough. If you spend the entire day binging, the positives that come with listening to breakup love songs become negative and therefore lose their power to help heal you.

To spin off of whether or not they are helpful, I want to take this topic one step further – I encourage you to start writing down your own words and feelings. Start playing a few instruments of your own. Make the music yourself. This is another excellent healing mechanism. For many of you reading this, you think that suggestion is a little ridiculous. However, think about it this way – if you haven’t tried it and you’re still feeling lousy and you’re reading this article to cure the feelings of lousiness, then what you’ve done so far hasn’t done the trick. Therefore, what do you have to lose? What’s the harm in trying? Sit in a quiet and private place and give it a go. If you aren’t able to work with instruments of if they aren’t readily available to you, download an App for your phone or computer! There are so many virtualized instruments these days, so that’s no excuse to use!

Try making music for one full week, allocating about 45 minutes a day if you’re able. By the end of that week, let’s see how you feel. Have you reflected on the events that led to the breakup? Do you feel more in tune with what happened? Have you considered ways to correct it? Let the music express all of this! I promise, if you do, you’ll truly being the healing process. Hey, maybe you can end up writing an incredible album and turn into the next Adelle! What do you really have to lose? When it comes to music and catharsis and healing from a breakup, you only have lots to gain.

The best list of the best breakup songs is here ! 

Now for what may be my favorite part of this article. The list of love songs. As a major music person, this exercise quickly became a really tedious process. I called my parents, to tap into their generation, and called my friends. It was important for me to develop a well rounded list for everyone, but the task became (and still is!) tremendously difficult.

Initially, I was going to limit this list to Top 5 Best Break Up Songs, but narrowing the list was far too difficult, because there are just so many able to affect us and how we feel during a breakup. So, I’ve created a compilation of my top 20 Breakup Love Songs. As I mentioned in the introduction of this article, I invite you to leave a comment with your favorite Breakup Love Song and how it’s impacted you during this really challenging chapter in your life. If you do not live in the United States, thats OK! Please list any breakup love song from your local region, regardless of language and song release date. In time, I’d like to make collections of songs for different areas around the world so that everyone can feel included in this process and so that everyone has access to great love songs regardless of their location! Love can really unite us, and so, I really encourage you to get involved in this article.

The list below is a blend of 2 types of breakup love songs: ones to make you cry and ones to make you empowered to regain confidence. The reason for this is because I feel like there are so many levels of a breakup, and after a while, even though we’re still emotionally destroyed, we get tired of hurting and want to find some music to lift us back up.

One more note on the point of lifting back up (I know you just want the list, already!) during a breakup. Well, if you want your ex back, you’ll need confidence in order to achieve that desired outcome. Your ex doesn’t want to see you in collapse mode. Why? Well, guilt isn’t a long term solution. They may feel terrible for a few moments, as they don’t want to be the ones responsible for infecting so much pain.

However, after a while, their dissatisfaction with the relationship will resurface and you’ll be right back where you are right now. Therefore, the real way to get them back is to become organically re-attracted to you. That’s where the confidence comes in! We are attracted to people who are confident and aware of all they have to offer. We are inspired by people like this, and naturally, want to be with people we find to be inspiring. So, the fastest way to get your ex back, consequently, will be to become as confident and self-aware and as inspiring as possible. In music terms, this will mean turning off the Toni Braxton (who, in my opinion, deserves a crowned location on this list) and turn up the TLC!

  1. Toni Braxton – Unbreak My Heart
  2. Adele – Send my Love to your New Lover
  3. Adele – When We Were Young
  4. Beyonce – Irreplaceable
  5. Justin Timerlake – Cry Me A River
  6. Passenger – Let Her Go
  7. Gavin Degraw – Not Over You
  8. One Republic – Apologize
  9. Chris Brown / Drake – Deuces Remix
  10. TLC – No Scrubs
  11. Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On
  12. Usher – You Got it Bad
  13. Johnny Cash – Hurt
  14. A Great Big World – Say Something
  15. NSync – Bye Bye Bye
  16. Rihanna – Stay
  17. Shania Twain – That Don’t Impress Me Much
  18. Alanis Morissette – You Oughta Know
  19. Justin Bieber – Love Yourself
  20. Rihanna – Needed Me

I hope you liked my scattered Breakup Love Songs list of 20 top Breakup Love Songs and more importantly, gained insight on why binging on love songs may be an excellent and effective way to mourn a break up, relive a breakup, and ultimately, begin to heal from the breakup. You deserve to feel all the feels, let them be good or bad – and there are so many artists around the world channeling everything inside of your chest. Do not rob yourself of the opportunity to feel these things and those struggles with them. Music is truly such a uniting tool and with the internet and endless amount of music access so many of us around the world have, we really have the luxury of exploring these songs on command.

Wishing you the best today and always, and of course, wishing you a great Break Up Love Song Sound Track,

 

Coach Natalie

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Getting back with your ex

How to write the perfect letter to my ex?

letter to an ex

If you’re reading this letter, you may be looking for ways to reach out or touch base with an ex after your recent (or sometimes not so recent) breakup. If so, we’re glad you’re here. You’ve come to the right place

I’m Coach Natalie, and together with my partners, Coach Adrian and Coach Alex, we’ve curated this website and blog to offer a variety of materials geared toward rebuilding the bond you have with your ex.

While you may not have too much hope in this moment, please note that these resources have proven success rates, and that is why we offer them. If there’s something you don’t find you’re getting from the letter, or if you want to mention your story to see if a letter will work in your situation, I invite you to leave a comment below. I’m excited to learn about what you’re going through and how to help.

The perfect Letter to my ex !

This article in particular is around the timeless “letter to my ex” that a lot of us run to when we’re in a breakup. We tell ourselves that if we can just romantically communicate all the love we have for them and that we’ll do anything to make it work, then everything will find resolve and we’ll get back together. Sadly though, based on our professional experience, that traditional romantic route we see in films doesn’t usually have the ending we’re looking for. Actually, it can make the potential of getting back together a lot lower. In this article, I’ll be writing about why that love letter-type approach to reaching out to an ex isn’t the best idea, but WHY a different kind of letter IS! The letter you’ll really want to tap into is the “accountability letter”. I’ll discuss what this means and how to pull it off below (this is why you’re in the right place!)

Why Write A Lette

Writing a letter is a great way to reconnect with your ex because it isn’t invasive. It’s a way for you to communicate what it is you want to say, without the yelling or the crying. It’s more subtle and respectful than bombarding them in public or knocking on their door in the middle of the night. Those episodes rarely go well, as many of you hear know first hand.

A letter is simple. A letter to your ex can be written over the course of a few hours or even weeks, and so your delivery can be clear and not influenced by some spur of the moment impulse (which usually makes us say things we regret).

Lastly, a letter to your ex, when handwritten, the way we encourage our clients to do, is a tender gesture that people often forget about in this high-tech world we live in.

The Point of the Letter

The letter that I’m talking about in this article, contrary to what other sites or coaches suggest, is not a love letter to your ex. I cannot stress this enough, so I will repeat it: This letter is NOT a love letter to your ex. This letter, instead, is an opportunity for you to take accountability for the ways in which you contributed to the dismantling of your relationship. This letter is your chance to step up and say “hey, I’m not perfect, but I’ve learned a lot”.

Why We Avoid The Love Letter

The reason this letter is not going to be a love letter is because love letters are dramatic. They are so fueled by emotion and desperation that it can easily overwhelm your ex. They can feel you’re still too emotional to deal with and like you’re only goal for reaching out is to get back together, which makes all the changes you promise in the letter lack authenticity. This is a really hard point to come back from, because it will cause your ex to be annoyed of you. No one wants to commit to something that’s annoying to them, right?

(Also : Remember, they were in the breakup too, and it’s hard for them to hear from you – even if they’re the ones who pulled the plug.)

It’s time for your ex to stop viewing you as a source of drama and to remember that despite all the issues the two of you had, that you’re friends and get along great! Therefore, if you strip off the emotion from the letter, and speak more calmly and confidently about yourself and don’t ask to get back together, you’ll have a much higher chance that they’ll respond and even WANT to see you.

There are three main why your ex will reply to an accountability letter:

  1. The first reason your ex is likely to reply to an accountability letter over a love letter is because automatically, the pressure it off. If you don’t hound for them back, they’ll get the impression that they’re able to speak with you without being pushed into a corner of decisions or ultimatums. This, in turn, makes your ex feel that speaking with you can be a casual and easy-going experience. It’s in this ease that the spark between you two can happen organically, which will generate the highest chance of success for you and your ex to get back together.
  2. The second reason why an accountability letter to your ex boyfriend or an accountability letter to your ex girlfriend will be well received is because it’s unexpected. When your ex receives the letter, they’ll automatically assume its purpose (we can thank movies for that!) is to reel them back into your life. When you DON’T do this, however, your ex will be caught off guard and downright curious to see how you’re doing.
  3. The third reason why a letter of accountability will work in your favor is because your ex can put their guard down. Once your ex notices that you aren’t reaching out to argue, debate or get back together, they can relax and put their guard down. The beauty of this is, if their guard is up, they won’t even be able to see all the wonderful ways you’ve changed since the breakup. They’ll be too distracted to reject you to even notice that you may be a great partner to them for the long run. If their guard is down, they’ll be able to be more receptive, rather than defensive, to your outreach and can peer into this new and evolved person that you’ve become since you’ve spoken last.

When to send the letter to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend

Like with most things, timing really is everything, and when to send the letter to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend is no different. By waiting a while after your last contact with your ex, your letter will carry more weight and have a bigger impact. In order for me to explain this, I’m going to use a heavy cigarette smoker.

If we have a smoker who is used to smoking 20 cigarettes a day, and all of a sudden, all 20 are taken away with no opportunity to replenish, the cigarette smoker is almost foaming at the mouth for a cigarette. They’re desperate for one. Then, when you give him or her one, they’re in total bliss.

Now, what if we take that same cigarette smoker, but this time, give him the opportunity to wean off the cigarettes, from 20 to 15, from 15 to 10, from 10 to 5 and then to 0. Will this smoker feel the withdrawals as badly as the first example? Of course not! It becomes ten times easier.

If we apply this principle to sending the letter, we can see that if we all of a sudden stop communicating and fall off their radar, and then make a nice entrance via letter showcasing all the great things we’ve been up to – we’ve got a person foaming at the mouth ready to read every word on every line and in between. However, if we’ve been in regular contact with this person, then the letter is likely not going to give the recipient the “punch” that we want. Make sense?

I encourage you to wait at least a few weeks with little to no contact with an ex before sending this letter if you’d like to yield the result you’re after. I know that waiting to reach out can be really hard, but make sure to reason with yourself. What’s a few weeks relative to a lifetime with this person? Not too much, right? You can do this. We believe in you. If you need one-on-one support, please feel free to comment under this article and we’ll coordinate a time to speak and work with you.

How long should the letter to my ex be?

This is a question I get very often, and so I wanted to spend some time elaborating on why the length of your accountability letter is so important.

It’s important not to have a letter too long in length, as it shows that you’ve spent copious hours writing it, which can make your ex feel as though they objective is to rekindle. I feel a letter should never exceed two pages, and feel one and a half pages to be the best length.

Contact Us to write the perfect letter to your ex!

For many clients, the letter is one of the hardest parts to get through. Maybe doubt their writing skills or doubt if they’re saying the right things the right way. This is where Coach Adrian, Alex and I come in. We have a bunch of tools tailored to writing the perfect letter, including this audio seminar to write the perfect letter to your ex.

Additionally, we offer one-on-one coaching sessions, where we can review and edit your letter together. This personalized method, undoubtedly, yields the highest results because we get to really delve into your letter to your ex boyfriend or letter to your ex girlfriend and can help a lot.

If you feel as though your questions weren’t answered or if you’re looking for additional information, I invite you to leave a comment below and I will reply soon. I invite you to browse through our blog, as other topics we discuss may be helpful to you on your journey to get back with your ex.

As always, it’s so wonderful to connect with you all, and I look forward to receiving comments and engaging with you.

 

Wishing you the very best today and always,

Coach Alex Cormont & Coach Nat

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Getting back with your ex

I miss my ex and I want to know what to do!

miss my ex

Hello! I’m Coach Natalie and I’m a Life Coach who focusses on and has dedicated their life to rebuilding intimate relationships. Every week, I (or one of my business partners) creates an article geared toward common questions or situations that we observe in our one-on-one coaching sessions. These articles serve as a self-coaching guide for you all at home. If you’re new to this website, I invite you to look around to make sure you have all the resources you need to get through this challenging period. We understand that your situation can be incredibly painful. We’re here to support you.

This article particularly surrounds one of the most frequent-seen and felt obstacles I help my clients deal with during their breakups and during the process of rekindling with an ex. This article is about the ins and outs of missing your ex.

In a breakup, it’s the most natural thing for us to miss having our exes in our lives. After all, we’ve invested so much of ourselves and of our time into them and our relationship, right? Why wouldn’t we miss the hell out of them? Don’t worry. We get it!

I wanted to write this article because, while missing your ex is normal, it’s incredibly crippling, and can prevent you from finding the peace of mind and inner confidence you need to both heal and get your ex back (if that is your end goal). Out of all issues my clients face that cause them to break and reach out to their exes – missing them is by far the most dangerous, as it can stunt a clients’ personal development and send them down the rabbit hole of self-doubt and fear.

In this post, I will discuss why we miss our exes, how to feel better about missing our exes (even how to miss them less!) and common mistakes to avoid.

Before I dive in, I want to mention that this article, like the others featured on this site, are generalized topics, but should not be regarding as tailored to your unique situation. If you feel as though the materials you’re reading don’t relate to your story entirely, I encourage you to either visit our YouTube channel LoveAdviceTV, for more content, or to book a session with me or Coach Adrian. In my experience, one-on-one coaching sessions tend to yield the highest results, because the game plans are made specifically to you and whatever it is you’re going through.

Lastly, if there’s a topic or idea you’d like to see content or material on that so-far you haven’t found on our site, please leave a comment below this article. We want to make sure that we offer resources to all possible situations because are really invested on what we do and who we do it for : you. We’re here to help, and will able be receptive of any additional insight or constructive criticism. Thank you and enjoy!

1/ Why do i miss my ex

If you’re asking yourself “why am I missing my ex” or “why do I miss my ex so much”, I want to start this section of the article by saying that missing your ex is completely normal. In fact, I would find it strange if you didn’t miss your ex. After al, you spent a bunch of time with them!

There are plenty of reasons why you may find yourself missing your ex, but this article will discuss the top 3 most common:

#1 Why You Miss Your Ex :

One reason you may find yourself missing your ex is because your ex is a habit of yours. You’re used to texting and calling them, as well as receiving texts and calls from them. You’re used to spending time with them and them wanting to spend time with you. Now that you’re seeing less of them, the habit you’ve formed is now being forced to change, and that can hurt! Compare it to someone with a fatty and unhealthy diet suddenly opening a fridge to grapes and quinoa. It just feels weird! However, like that person seeking healthier options, spending time away from your ex is actually a good thing. Remember, the breakup occurred for a reason and it’s important to recognize that space and time can really help the dust settle.

#2 Why You Miss Your Ex :

Another reason you may be missing your ex is because you’re not used to being alone. Some of us fear loneliness more than just about anything, and a fresh breakup can really heighten that fear. People in relationships, especially those of you who have been in long term relationships, aren’t accustomed to life as a single person and can internalize this change as though they’re lives are less interesting. While this can be very tricky, but it’s very curable! I’ll discuss how to cure this in the following section of this article.

#3 Why You Miss Your Ex :

A third, and maybe the most common reason, we may miss our ex is because we needed them to feel good about ourselves. Believe it or not, many of us use our ex’s as mirrors : they way they look at us is the way we look at ourselves. Now that they’re gone, we may be wondering how lovable we are and how memorable we are to them now. This reason is more often than not the most painful, and it’s the one that likely keeps us on the floor with a pint of ice cream and a Romantic Comedy marathon. If this is the one you identify most, there’s good news and bad news.

The good news is that how you perceive yourself is completely under your control. No one in the world has the power to make you love yourself more or less, nor are they responsible for showing us how lovable or unlovable we are. Therefore, if you’re willing to face yourself, and give yourself the love and respect you deserve, you’ll never need a man or woman to tell you how great you are ever again.

The bad news, unfortunately, is that this issue is very personal and shows that maybe having a partner right now isn’t the best idea. When I speak to a client undergoing stresses related to their self-esteem or their general relationship with themselves, I usually recommend that they pull themselves from the dating pool and focus on dating themselves first. We often look to our partners to prove to us how special we are, but in reality, that’s our job! We need to value ourselves, and we need to inspire ourselves. If you’re reading this section and feel like you identify with it, then it’s a good thing that you aren’t dating anyone. I feel like, if you’re able to focus on you, instead of on your ex, you’ll be able to rebuild that self-esteem and be able to rekindle with them later on down the line, when you’re in good standings with yourself. It will take work, but it’s the most gratifying journey when you begin to embrace it.

If you feel reason #3 is the one bothering you most, I again encourage you to book a session with Coach Adrian or myself. We have so many tools and tricks to help you rebuild your relationship with you, and believe it or not, that is Step 1 to getting your ex back. Way to kill two birds with one stone!

2/ How can I feel better when I miss my ex ?

When I really miss my ex, I ask myself when the pain will go away; I wonder how can I feel better when I miss my ex ?

Believe it or not, there are so many ways to feel better, even if you really miss your ex boyfriend or really miss your ex girlfriend. In this article, I will highlight three key ways to feel better when missing an ex.

#1 How To Miss My Ex Less :

The primary way to miss your ex less is to stay as busy as possible. Usually, in a breakup, we find ourselves unwilling to go outside, socialize, meet people, explore our surroundings. Instead, we prefer to sit on our couches or in our beds and drill ourselves on what we may have done wrong or what we could have done differently. Succumbing to this approach, though, is the slowest way to stop missing your ex – this I can assure you.

Instead, I invite you to fill your schedule with countless activities. This transitions into point number two.

#2 How To Miss My Ex Less :

An incredible way to miss your ex less is by trying a variety of new activities. Not only should you be really busy, but be really busy trying things you’ve never done before! With all this new time you have, learn about yourself! Go skydiving, get your scuba diving license, pick up a good book! Not only will doing things like this help you miss your ex less, it will also make you love yourself more and give your confidence levels a major boost! When your confidence is higher, it’ll be so much simpler to spend more time alone. Why? Because spending time with yourself means you’ll be doing exciting things! After a while, you may really start to look forward to this one-on-one time with yourself. Talk about a win, win situation.

3/ I miss my ex so much : How to avoid the mistakes

While reading this article, you may have asked yourself something along the lines of “What’s the big deal if I miss my ex? Who cares? I’m the only one affected!”

Well, you see, that’s not entirely true. When we find ourselves stuck missing an ex, we can end up making pretty bad decisions and yes, you guessed it, a lot of those decisions end in us reaching out to our exes in one (wrong) way or another. When we do this, we tend to make our situations worse. Why? Well, because when we are missing an ex and we end up reaching out to them, we can easily annoy or frustrate them, and can actually re-affirm why it was a good decision for them to leave us or for the relationship to end.

When we reach out to our exes in a state of desperation, like when we really miss them, we often make them feel like they’re better than us, and like we need them to be happy with ourselves or satisfied with our lives. This can be very unattractive and can consequently push your ex farther away from you.

If there’s one piece of advice to take from this article, it’s going to be to NOT reach out to your ex just because you miss them. For the high majority, it just makes things worse. Instead, wait until you’re in better standing with yourself and are more confident. Confidence is going to be what keeps you strong during the outreach process and it’ll help stop you from overthinking things (which can also put us in an awkward and thereby unsuccessful position).

When I ask a lot of my clients to do, if they’re unable to have the self control we’re fighting for, is to give their ex’s information to their best friends for safe keeping and then to delete that information from their phones. This can serve as a preventative measure. Another idea I tell clients is to write me instead (or your best friend, if you and I aren’t in coaching) ! This way, you can get the thoughts and feelings out of you, while not letting them to get your ex, either. This has proven to be very helpful for many people. Give it a try!

Summing it up – Why I miss My Ex

Ultimately, as discussed in this article, missing your ex is really normal. You’re used to them and you miss their company. However, missing an ex can impair our abilities to heal from the relationship and can also hinder our abilities to take care of ourselves and value ourselves.

Before reaching out to your ex, make sure to get the “missing them” element under control. Even if it takes months, then go for it! Wait it out! It’s better for you to wait, collect yourself, and ‘WOW!’ them with this new and improved and confident you, than it is to prove to them that you aren’t doing well in your life and that they’re the superior partner.

If you feel your situation is unique and like I haven’t targeted it here – please leave a comment in the section below. I’d love to hear about what you’re going through and I’d love to help. If you’re shy about posting information about yourself or afraid to share your story online, please feel free to reach us.

We check out Contact email daily and will reply to you the moment that we can. We know how painful missing an ex can be and sometimes it can be the only thing we think about. Believe it or not, we’ve been there! We can help!

Thank you for reading and for tune in to our blog, website, and YouTube Channel, LoveAdviceTV. I hope it helps give you some piece of mind, especially when peace feels so far away.

I look forward to connecting with you soon!

 

Coach Natalie

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Getting back with your ex

Will my ex forget about me if I use the no contact?

ex forget me

When we’re in the pit of a breakup, the last thing we want to hear is that we have to go into strict No Contact, or Radio Silence in order to get our ex back. We can’t help but feel like ignoring our ex is counterintuitive. After all, how are they going to see how capable we are of changing if we aren’t in touch with one another? Will my ex forget about me if I use the no contact?

Believe it or not, this is likely the most commonly asked question I’m asked during one-on-one sessions with my clients, and I completely understand why. No Contact can be absolutely heart scorning and petrifying. It’s natural to sit and question “how to stay in my exs thoughts?” or “will my ex forget me in no contact?” If you’re reading this article right now, asking yourself those or similar questions – don’t worry, you aren’t alone. Many of us sit and pine as to how No Contact really works and more specifically, how is will work for us.

In order to calm your nerves about the idea of speaking to your ex less (or realistically, not very much at all) while also preparing you to use it to your benefit and consequently get your ex back, we’ll have to spend some time breaking down what it No Contact is, how it works and why it’s actually beneficial.

In this article, I will focus on why the no contact is necessary after a break up. More specifically, I will also describe the 3 ways to avoid your ex forgetting about you during no contact, and how to talk to an ex again after the no contact. I hope that reading this compilation of relationship information will help give you the peace of mind you deserve and needless to say, the peace of mind you will undoubtedly need in order to implement and maintain No Contact correctly. By the end of this article, you’ll have answered those treacherous questions I listed above:

Will my ex forget about me if I use the no contact?

How to stay in my ex thoughts?

Ideally, you’ll also have answered several more! Please note, that if by the end of the article, your questions relating to No Contact and its benefits and implementation tactics have been left unanswered, please comment in the section outlined below. Or, feel free to email Coach Adrian and I directly at the following email. We’d love to create additional material geared toward helping you feel that peace of mind you’re after.

Why the no contact is necessary after a break up

While, in reality, the complete list of benefits No Contact can bring are truly an article of their own.. as there are dozens of reasons with the no contact is necessary after a breakup; I’m going to use this article to discuss the top and most potent benefits people often ask about and relate best to.

To start, it’s going to make your ex miss you. Having your ex miss you is fundamental in the process of getting them back. Why? Well, it allows for the dust to settle, and over time, it will actually help them begin to dismiss the negative thoughts they previously felt. Particularly, the ones that led to the dreaded breakup. Remember, the day they broke up with you is not the day they decided – rather, it’s just the day that they followed through with it. With No Contact, those remaining feelings that fueled their decision can begin to be forgotten or find resolve.

When we miss someone, we can’t help but focus on the good. After all, that’s why we miss things, right? Because of the good the brought to us and the value that was added to our lives! Immediately after a break up, it may be easy for your ex to stay away from you, because they haven’t yet transitioned into what life will really be without you. This haven’t missed you yet. This can start with basic things : maybe having a person to watch their favorite show with or a person they used to call when they were frustrated. All of those things generate a sense of longing for the person who is no longer there.

It’s for reasons and moments like the ones I’ve listed in the previous paragraph that the end goal of our ex missing us is the number one reason why the no contact rule after a break up works wonders. In addition to them missing us, they’ll also be forced to reflect on how much their lives have dramatically changed without us in it. It may not happen overnight, but it’ll certainly happen. After the thousands of people that we’ve all coached collectively, this has been something they’ve all mostly shared! It’ the perfect way to attract your ex.

A lot of you may be thinking, but what if they realize that their live is better now? While I understand this concern, please note that it’ll take way longer than 1 month or so of no contact (especially for longer term relationships or marriages) for them to make that realization if they are indeed able to make that realization. Remember, you’re a habit, and habits are hard to break! Most habits are pretty painful to let go of. The same way you feel as though you’re withdrawing from your ex, is the same way they feel as though they are withdrawing from you. They’re used to your scent, voice, shared plans and lifestyle choices and perspectives.

I understand that right now you may feel totally forgettable. You may be asking yourself, “will my ex really be missing my scent like Coach Natalie is saying?” However, I want you to take a minute to think about where this self doubt is coming from. Is it from your heart or is it from your ego?

Our egos can sometimes find pleasure in making us doubt ourselves. This may be the same little voice that says, “you can be skinnier, richer, more socially networked.” Be mindful of this voice, because it’s going to be important for you to silence it now. Do NOT let your ego get in the way of your progress. Your relationship with yourself must be at an all time high in order for you to be able to get your ex back. Imagine this: if you are a clock, your ego is that lose pesky little screw that can jam all the gears. If you give that screw enough time to rust, it’ll be ten times harder to extract it and get those gears going again! Make sure to keep that screw from getting stuck in your gears of progress and personal development!

A third reason why the no contact rule after a breakup is amazing is because, while your ex is home pondering about you and how different their life is, you’re finding ways to learn how to get over a break up. This reason is critical for you right now, as this period will allow for you to regain a sense of self. It’s very normal to feel very out of your skin during a breakup. You may not recognize yourself or what your self interests even are anymore.

Here’s why:

More often than not, when we give a relationship our “all” (which we often tend to do, because we love them!!), we end up sacrificing a lot. Then, when the breakup occurs, we don’t recognize who we are anymore, because over time, we began identifying ourselves in the eyes and hearts of our ex’s. As previously noted, we really may feel like foreigners in our own skins, and this is what can make the breakup so painful. Not only do we feel like we broke up with our ex’s, but we also somehow feel like we’ve broken up with ourselves! It can really feel like a double whammy!

However, during no contact, we have the opportunity to target the holes in our hearts and identifies, and fix them. Not only is the fundamental for you, but it’s also really important when it comes to your readiness and ability to be a great partner to your ex. As Coach Adrian and I have mentioned in several articles, it’s the personal development element of the breakup that is truly most important.

Let’s take a moment and go back in time: Remember when your ex met you? You were strong, you were mysterious, you were excited by the world around you and in turn really exciting to be around. This is the person that your ex remembers! Then, over the course of the relationship, you changed. Maybe you stopped doing the things you used to do in order to spend more time with your partner, or maybe you adopted new habits that you previously hadn’t considered because they were things that your ex enjoyed. Regardless of what you may have sacrificed or adopted, your ex doesn’t recognize you as the person that they met. Therefore, it became easier for them to exit the relationship. It’s much easier to walk away from a stranger than from the love of our lives, right? Consequently, In this circumstance, we then need to regain this sense of self to then re-attract our ex and rebuild the relationship.

In addition to letting our rediscovered sense of self and confidence attract our ex, it will also allow for us to feel good about ourselves, and this strength can prepare us to reach out to our ex’s and to handle whatever is on the other side of that outreach. For many who haven’t successfully regained their confidence and peace of mind, reaching out can make them feel the breakup all over again, as though it’s just happened. This can trigger another emotional collapse, and you’ll have to do the rebuilding process all over again. It can be very painful, and so I can’t stress enough the importance of personal development and self awareness.

Will my ex forget about me if I use the no contact : 3 ways to avoid that

Just because we aren’t speaking to our exs, doesn’t mean we can’t find ways to prevent our ex’s from not thinking about us. This is where the No Contact can actually be a little bit of fun! Remember, just because they aren’t reaching out, doesn’t mean they aren’t checking in. You may be constantly checking in on your ex, too, right? You two are habits for one another, remember? Your ex wants to see what you’re doing with all this free time you’ve gained. They’re also likely to be very curious as to who you’re spending new time with. I cant stress it enough: you aren’t the only one in the breakup wondering what the ex is doing. They’re also wondering the same things are you are.

Tip #1:

A great way to stay in the mind of your ex (and to help you stay there) is social media. Make sure to keep your social media updates to show your ex you are a better person and are continuing to live a fruitful life full of new activities.

Tip #2:

this is where my previous suggestion to try new things comes into play. If you only post things pertaining to your previous lifestyle, then your ex won’t be as intrigued to continue to check in. By staying the same, your ex will only re-affirm that you still aren’t the person you can invest in long-term. So, the more new things you do, the more your ex will see your changes and the more their curiosity will heighten.

Tip #3:

Lastly, always feel free to let social media serve to show how great you’re looking. While, in the movies, it’s normal for the broken hearted person to be pictured collapsed on the floor of their living rooms with a pint of ice cream and an avalanche of Kleenex, it’s important not to stay in this mode for too long. We don’t want ice cream, we want crunches! We want to show our ex’s that we look better than ever. This will remind them of your sexual connection and this is also very important. The sensual relationships we have with our partners can be very powerful elements to tap into during a breakup. This isn’t mean to insinuate that you should be sleeping with your ex, necessarily, but it should mean that they can still find you attractive.

Note: If you find it really hard to snap out of grieving, I would encourage you limiting yourself to 15 minutes of wallowing a day. That way, you get to satiate that need, without letting it dominate you. Believe it or not, this can really help. However, once those 15 minutes are up, you need to snap out of it and continue on your personal development journey!

Outside of the gym or whatever exercise or health/wellness routine you select, I think a really immediate way to show your ex how great you look is by wearing an item of clothing that they haven’t previously seen before. The change can be subtle and won’t require you investing in a new wardrobe. However, a new blouse or belt buckle, or a new hairstyle can immediately show your ex that you’re evolving and changing as a person and as a partner.

How to talk to an ex again after the no contact

When the No Contact element of the breakup is coming to an end, it’s normal to question how you’re going to go about reaching out to your ex when the time is right. I understand that it can be really nerve wrecking. However, we’ve come up with an almost fool proof plan when its to comes to this initial outreach. It’s the accountability letter approach. Never, ever underestimate the power of a great letter.

If you were previously wondering “will my ex forget about me if I don’t talk?” Well, not if you write a good letter! In a letter, you’ll have the opportunity to take accountability for the ways you contributed to dismantling the relationship. More specifically, you’ll have the chance to really list why things went wrong and how you’ve been able to correct these behaviors during no contact. If you write this letter correctly, your partner will be receptive and this can break the silence is a very positive way.

TIP ** If you feel like you aren’t a natural writer or like you aren’t sure how to go about writing the letter, it’s ok, we’re here to help. We have a product on our website, with my ex again, geared toward this exact process. We encourage you to take a look at it (it also includes samples!) and give it your best shot. If you’d like for us to revise and correct it, we can certainly arrange for that, too. In fact, we’ve helped several hundreds of people write these letters and send them.

One of the biggest mistakes we see in writing the accountability letter lends toward you consciously (or sometimes more ambiguously) asking for your partner back. Therefore, I really want to take a moment to clarify that THIS IS NOT A LOVE LETTER. This letter is not aimed at rekindling. Rather, it is aimed at repairing the ways in which your ex may perceive you or the breakup or the relationship in general. If your ex gets the impression that the goal behind this letter is to rekindle, they may in turn believe that all the changes you’ve claimed to have made are only plows to get your ex back, and therefore aren’t true changes. If this happens, all the work we’ve done is seen as a performance, rather than as permanent modifications. Therefore, beware of this! Make sure not to ask for your ex back in the letter!

Now, another huge mistake that comes with writing the letter is expecting to receive an immediate response. It it very natural to want an immediate turnaround. After all, you really just put yourself out there for the first time in a while. It’s scary! However, remember, your ex is also overwhelmed by having received the letter. They may need to take some time to process their thoughts and emotions before generating a response.

If you feel like you’re in the bunch who doesn’t receive an instant outreach from your ex after the letter, I insist that you do not try to reach out again, even if it’s to see if they’ve gotten it. If you do this, your ex will likely believe that you haven’t moved on and that if they’re responsive, the emotional floodgates will open and you’ll start writing them non-stop. Therefore, I invite you to really be patient right now. In these moments, I want you to reflect on how strong you were during No Contact, and let that strength carry you during this period. In extreme cases, where your ex doesn’t reply, I invite you to book a session with me so we can determine where the disconnect happened. These are very often correctable with enough notice of the situation.

Ultimately, I really encourage you no to worry about whether your ex will forget about you and the relationship during no contact. Using the tips I’ve outlined in this article and by understanding why No Contact can be tremendously beneficial, you should be in great shape to implement and manage with peace of mind.

I believe that you can do this, and I believe in the true potential of your success and ability to turn around your relationship and get back with your ex and person that you love and admire more. Using the information in this article, Alex, Adrian and I over at WMEA have helped hundreds of people get back with their exs.

If you have any questions about our methodologies and how they operate, or if you feel that due to a unique situation you are unable to implement the above strategy, please leave a comment in the field below. Our team is here to help support you throughout the entirety of this process. You don’t have to walk it alone.

I look forward to connecting with you.

Wishing you the very best,

Coach N.

 

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Getting back with your ex

Spy on ex : the best 8 ways! (and 4 bonus tips)

spying on ex

When you’re in a position where you’ve recently split from your partner, sometimes you can’t help but want to spy after the breakup on your ex. It’s a normal attempt this. After all, the curiosity can really be a killer! Now that the breakup has occurred and your ex has a bit more time and freedom than they previously did, and it’s natural for you to be curious about how they’re using this new lifestyle. You may be asking yourself, “how do I spy on my ex without getting caught?” (of course!).

Because of our natural desires of peer into our ex’s lives post breakup, I wanted to take some time to write and address the types of ways someone can spy on their ex  healthily (without crossing boundaries, making them uncomfortable, or make them more distant with you than ever!!) and also, why in many circumstances, spying on your ex may actually be the opposite of what you want to do. Remember, just because it feels good and gives you a (false) sense of control, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a good idea. However, more on this later! For now, let’s get right to spying.

How to spy on ex ?

If you’re trying to find ways on how to spy on girlfriend after the end of the relationship: here are a few tips that can help, without you being written off as a creep.

How to spy on girlfriend after the end of the relationship

  1. If you have kids together: Children are an excellent way to peep into your partners life. You’ll be able to see how they’re doing without having to ask them directly, and you’ll be able to see how their demeanors after spending time with her. This can be positive because it can shed some insight on how she’s feeling, and how she may be presenting her emotions to her children. Similarly, you’ll also be able to showcase all the changes you’ve made to your ex through your children, if you two have kids together. Make sure to set up fun and exciting activities to do with them, as they’ll send that information back to Mom when they see her next.
  1. Mutual Friends: If you don’t have kids, then mutual friends can be excellent and organic ways to tap into how your ex girlfriend is doing. It’s important to realize that many people in your immediate network have very close ties to her and may know more about how she’s really taking the breakup than her own parents or siblings! However, make sure that you aren’t the one asking about the breakup or venting about the breakup. The information must be handed to you. For instance, if your friend says “oh, I saw your ex the other day, she didn’t look too great”, you can ask something to the effect of, “why?” or “how could you tell?”. If you receive the info in this style, it’s unlikely that they’ll go back to your ex with the insight that you still want to get back together or know how they’re doing. Remember, spying is all about not being caught! If your mutual friends do not hand off this information willingly, then it’s important that you don’t pry. If they do not bring up your ex, you can’t either. I know that many of you reading this are thinking, “of course I’m going to ask about my ex”. However, trust me, if you want to reduce the damage done, you’ll avoid this. It’s truly in your best interest.
  1. If you work together: If you work together, spying is a cake walk. You’ll have almost daily access to them! It’s a no brainer! However, the way in which you spy here will be very important. If you’re both in the same place, your ex is likely to detect your spying much more easily. Be mindful of this, because if you get caught, then she knows you still want her, and then she has all the control. That’s never what we want. Rather, try to be subtle about it. Try overhearing her conversations, while never interrupting them. When you walk past her cubicle, check into how her face looks. However, make sure not to find excuses to walk by all the time. If she finds you increasing your chances of seeing her, she’ll also believe that she’s the motive and therefore, that she gets to control the tempo of rekindling the relationship.
  1. Social Media: If you’re trying to spy on girlfriend, social media can be a really natural and healthy way to peek into her life without being invasive or violating their privacy. Common social media platforms to achieve this can be: FaceBook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat. The beauty of social media is that you can see her life, but also that she can see yours. Allow for her to also tune into how you’re doing! If you showcase your personal development, she’ll begin to see the changes she needed to see before you two even speak. This can be very advantageous! If she’s blocked you on all social media, which does happen when relationships and/or breakups get messy – then I invite you to take a look at our product, How To Get Your Ex Back When Blocked on Social Media, as it can help you get the “unblock” you’re looking for.

Spying on boyfriend when he leaves you

As previously mentioned, when it comes to how to spy on an ex, getting caught is the absolutely worst. If your focus is spying on boyfriend, here are a few tips that can help:

  1. Kids : Like I mentioned in the section above, children are likely the best way to spy on your ex. With children, you’ll be able to check in on your ex boyfriend without the potential of being accused on prying. Rather, it’s essentially part of parenting to make sure the other partner looking after the children is in good spirits and emotionally aware of their actions. Similarly, remember, they may also be using the same method to track you! Make sure you’re setting up fun, new and exciting things to do, so that they can tell your ex that you’re A-OK!
  1. Social networking : For many, an ex boyfriend may have a social routine. Maybe they have a weekly sports league, bar hop, boys night. There’s so many ways for them to be out and wandering. This may be a great opportunity for you to drop by casually (and when you’re strong enough to handle it!). If you two are in college, for instance, there may be a cluster of local bars he often visits, and you can pop by with your friends. Remember, if you encounter your ex in person, make sure not to be forceful of their attention or time. It’s important for him to note that you’re understanding of the fact that you two aren’t together and that you’re capable of control your emotions.
  1. Working together: If the two of you work together, you are going to have an easy time spying on your ex boyfriend. However, something that’s so available and accessible can often generate a greater margin of error – so be careful! If you’re spying on an ex at work, make sure to do it from a distance. It’s likely that you’ll hear their conversations, and see their movements. Try, rather than interrupting the conversation or making your efforts obvious, to read your ex’s body language and overall demeanor. If you feel you aren’t qualified to assess his behaviors without engaging, then I invite you to reach out to us. We can help you identify how he’s feeling without putting yourself in harms way. Remember, the point of spying on your ex is to avoid them tracing your efforts back to you. Please always be mindful of this!
  1. Social Media: As mentioned in the previous section, social media can also be an excellent way of spying on an ex. However, make sure not to overdo it! Don’t open their snap stories just as they’ve posted it. Make sure that they question how busy and available you are. If you’re constantly checking – they may question whether or not you’ve moved on!

Spy on girlfriends phone or boyfriends phone after a breakup

Before I dive into some other reasons why and how spying can work against you, I wanted to dedicate a brief portion to this article on the people who actively spy on girlfriends phone or boyfriends phone after a breakup.

Many of you reading this article have access to your ex’s passwords. You may share a phone plan, have their AppleID, or gmail login information, sometimes even share bank accounts. If you are reading this article and have access to any of the items of networks I’ve just listed, then it’s going to be very important for you to delete all of that information. It’s so critical for you not to invade your ex’s privacy. A few reasons for this are listed below:

  1. Spying on your ex in this way is disrespectful and uninvited. If you don’t respect your ex, then you’ll likely continue to mistreat your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend again in the future. If you really want them back for the long-term, then respect will be essential to you. If you violate it during the breakup period, then you’re likely to continue violating it when the rekindling process commences and/or materializes.
  1. If your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend catches you going through their messages, then your chances of getting your ex back becomes much, much lower. They will feel like you’ve validated the reasons why they left, and will likely further believe that you’re incapable of change and are still not able to give them the life that they want to live and that partnership they want to have.

Now that we’ve covered why violating their privacy is a terrible idea, here are a few reasons by the basic element of spying may actually hurt really you.

The first reason largely deals with getting caught : if they find out you’re spying, you may really be putting no contact in jeopardy. If your ex receives notice that you’re looking in on their lives, they will feel empowered. They’ll be happy that you care enough to see what they’re up to, and are likely to interpret this knowledge as them being the ones in control of the breakup. Now, they’ve confirmed that they’re still desired by you, and this can make No Contact much less impactful and in turn make it much easier for them to stay away from you.

It can really hinder your personal development. It’s important to recognize that you shouldn’t be spying on your ex until you’re ready to handle it. If seeing your ex sends you into a downward spiral of self down and depression, where you ask yourself “what are they thinking,” and “do I still have a chance?”, then it’s just too soon to spy. I say this because, if you find content that makes you unhappy in any way, it can directly affect your confidence. Confidence is something that is so critical in the re-attraction process, and without it, your likelihood of succeeding tremendously lowers. Remember, your ex will be more attracted to your strengths and not your weaknesses. If tapping into their lives only sets your life back, then is it really worth it?

It’s completely normal to want to spy on your ex. Many of us feel as lost and panicky as you are likely feeling right now. However, just make sure that spying is safe, not violating of their privacy, and equally not violating your progress or self esteem. If spying on your girlfriend or spying on your boyfriend jeopardizes your personal development and growth, than spying isn’t the right move.

If you are wondering if the tips I’ve listed above will work for you, I invite you to contact us by the coaching page.

The more we learn about you, the more we can help, and the more we can support you on your quest of trying to get back with your ex.

 

Coach Nat

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Getting back with your ex

How to talk to your ex again : the secrets for a perfect conversation !

talking to your ex

There are many elements to consider when it comes to turning a breakup around. From the moments immediately after a breakup, to how to implement no contact, to how to reconnect with our ex’s to showcase all the changes we’ve made since the split, we must always be aware of our actions and the choices that we’re making (and just as importantly, HOW we’re going about making them).

Two of the more popular topics I discuss in one on one sessions with my clients is how to get your ex to talk to you again and how to talk to your ex again. Therefore, I wanted to take some time to write a brief article addressing these two topics, for those of you who are interested in self-coaching tools.

This section is particularly addressed to those currently in no contact. Ideally, a decent amount of time has passed since your last interaction (approximately 25-45 days) and you’re feeling good. Since the breakup, you’ve been intensely focussing on personal development and in implementing healthier behaviors to prevent similar issues from your ex from occurring again. If you’ve achieved all of the things I’ve just listed, then it’s time to reach out.

* Note: if you feel you haven’t achieved the above yet, I encourage you to continue reading the article beyond this section, so I delve into ways to expedite this process to get your ready to talk to your ex!

Talking to an ex and have a good conversation

When it comes to how to get your ex to talk to your ex again, it’s all about being up-lifting. Remember, for many of you, the breakup wasn’t the most picture perfect and amicable experience we’ve seen depicted in films. For many most, we beg, plea, text dozens of times, and maybe call a bunch, too. Therefore, when you reach out and go straight into the “let’s discuss the breakup” talk, you’re setting yourself up to be perceived as still in distress. At this stage, the last thing we want when talking to an ex is to be viewed in this way, as we want them to be excited to keep hearing from us, rather than view us as another source of stress in their likely already hectic lives.

Thus, if you want to know how to get your ex to talk to you again, the lighter route will yield a more receptive response than the dense route. Of course, you’ll have to speak about the breakup eventually – but why rush it? Why go straight into the uncomfortable part? Rather, first remind your ex that you are fundamentally compatible and get along. It can be a casual “hey, I just tried this new restaurant and I felt you’d love. The name is “ “, I encourage you to try it”, or maybe mention a museum that just opened in their area or one that is featuring a cool exposition.

The additional beauty of these lighter sorts of approaches is that your ex won’t automatically feel as though your motive for reaching out is just to get them back. This is positive because then you continue to hang onto a sense of power, rather than letting them control the tempo of this new relationship.

If the breakup was a painful and was triggered to deep-rooted issues, than an accountability letter may be a positive way in regard to how to get your ex to talk to your again. In this letter, you point out the ways in which the breakup has helped you learn about yourself. If you’re looking for samples of this approach, I invite you to visit our product page and take a look at the “How to Write the Perfect Letter” item. This can offer an abundance of insight for you. If you feel you’ve already written a pretty great letter but want it to be reviewed prior to sending, please feel free to leave a comment under this article. I’d love to schedule a session to work with you.

Talk to your ex : why is it important !

Now that you’re “in” with your ex in terms of having opened the door to dialogue and/or general communication, it’s going to be important to know how to talk to your ex again.

When it comes to talking to an ex, it’s important to express this newfound sense of confidence that you had the chance to regain during the breakup. Don’t let them feel like you’re hanging on their every word and that your life just hasn’t been complete with out them. I actually want you to exert the opposite type of energy when talking to an ex!

I want them to wonder how much you still want to rekindle with them, and this will make them much more receptive to your outreach and also make them significantly more likely to reach out to you! Try showcasing the confidence even during your first meeting. Make sure to emphasize how life has been treating you well in terms of work, recreational activities and your social life. Remember, people like to date people who live exciting lives. Make sure to illustrate that yours is!

TIP : Showing them that you’ve chanced can also be visual. So, outside of just knowing how to talk to your ex, try wearing something they’ve never seen, or try a new hairstyle. This immediately lets your ex know that time and space and come in between you and that they will need to relearn who it is that you are.

Outside of showcasing how much you’ve changed, it’s also important not to jump right into the breakup when having a discussion with your ex. If you bring up the breakup, it shows that you haven’t moved on and therefore, it’ll be really challenging for you to rebuilding a truly new and strong relationship.

When to start talking to an ex

Many of you reading this article may not be sure if you’re ready to start talking to an ex, and I commend you for questioning yourself on this. It shows a lot of strength to refrain from reaching out and identifying that you may not be emotional or psychologically prepared to open the door to dialogue.

Talking to an ex can be scary. It’s natural to be nervous of messing up or looking/being perceived as anything less than sub-par. This fear in itself can be crippling and so, if you really feel like you’re not ready, then you’re not ready! I would much rather you extend no contact than break it and generate a bad outcome. Don’t rush it! After all, when considering getting back with an ex, what’s a few months (or even a year!) apart relative to a lifetime of happiness, love and respect? Not very much.

If you’re trying to assess if you’re ready, it may mean you haven’t succeeded in getting over the breakup, and getting back with an ex is really dependent on this fact. You must be ok with the chance of not getting them back in order to actually achieve your goal of getting them back. Does this sound counterintuitive? For many, it does. However, what I mean by this is : Getting over a break up means returning to yourself and having a strong sense of self. It’s in this strong sense of self that gives you the confidence to handle interacting with them. So, get over the breakup so you can get the confidence needed to get back with your ex!

All the while, the no contact to an ex has started to rebuild their perception of you. Since you’ve been gone, your ex is already beginning to assume you’ve moved on and so, they no longer have the upper hand in the relationship anymore. This is advantageous for you because we need all the power that we can get!

Your absence will make them wonder where you are, what you’re doing, and who you’re doing it with. This is what makes them likely to be receptive to your outreach. They’re almost be surprised when you decide to reach back out, and all of a sudden, they’re the ones with the butterflies!

How to talk to your ex again

In that first message to an ex, make sure to refer to some of the tips I mentioned toward the beginning of this article. In addition, seek out some samples from our website. We have a pretty high success rate in getting positive responses from our ex’s.

For some, texting or basic messaging may not be the approach that it best suited for your relationship with your ex. In this case, an email or phone call may be better. If you’re opting to call an ex for your first outreach, make sure to spend time practicing it before you dial their number. I want you to be really self assured, and so you’ll need to have a thorough idea of what to say.

During the call to an ex, make sure to keep it light hearted and try to embed some comedy. Laughing is such a symbol of love and compatibility.

Here are a few don’ts and do’s to guide you on that first meeting:

Mistakes not to do with an ex during the first call:

  1. Don’t mention the breakup. As previously mentioned in this article, mentioning the breakup only illustrates that you’re still really affected by the past and by the past relationship with your ex. It can show, almost immediately, that you haven’t moved on. If the breakup was mean or aggressive, bringing up the breakup may only make the interaction negative. For many couples who do this, they end up going right back into a screaming death match. Therefore, this approach is really not recommended. If you feel as though your situation is unique and could really benefit from breakup conversation, then I invite you to reach out to me. Let’s determine the plan of action that’s best for you.
  2. Don’t mentioned that you’ve been sad or depressed. Remember, you need to showcase that you’ve been doing really well! If they ask you how you’ve been and you reply with “down in the dumps”, they’ll get the immediate sense that you haven’t truly moved on and in the blink of an eye, they’ve gotten all the power. Once they feel this, the rest of your conversation will be an uphill battle. Trust me on this!
  3. Don’t mention their new partners. For many of you, there may not be a new partner, and so this rule doesn’t necessarily apply to you. However, for a large percentage, your ex may be seeing someone, and so this is a mistake not to do or make with an ex. If you mentioned this new person, you’ll only further validate the reality of their relationship and therefore make their bond as significant as what you two had. Due to this, it’s important to not bring them up at all. I know this may be really, really hard to do! I get it, you’re curious! But, it’ll likely backfire and then the first outreach wouldn’t have gone as well as what it is you wanted.
  4. Don’t go straight into asking them to hang out. If you haven’t seen or spoken to your partner in a while (which should be the case, if you’ve been in a correctly implemented “Radio Silence”), then make sure to ease into the next step of the outreach. If you rush too quickly into it, it may scare them and then, instantly, their guard can go up. If their guard goes up, then it won’t even matter what you say next – they won’t hear it anymore. It’s important to take this really easy, as to help them stay receptive and openminded.

 

What to talk about with an ex

  1. Your evolution. Imagine – it’s been a while since you’ve spoken or seen each other and now it’s your time to reconnect. Let them see all the hard work you’ve been doing in their absence to better yourself! If you’ve picked up yoga, or changed jobs (and are happier in this new one) or moved out of your old apartment, don’t be afraid to show your ex that you’ve changed and grown since your last interaction. Not only will this make them curious and attracted, but it can also serve as a healthy and positive reminder that time and space has been implemented since the breakup. If they feel this, they can subconsciously see the opportunity of a newer and stronger future.
  2. Their current situation and lifestyle. Don’t be afraid to ask your ex how their doing. In fact, I would encourage you to spend 50% + on this, as it’s important for you to also determine if your ex is still the person you want to do. In many instances, my clients have been tremendous amounts of change and have truly focussed on their personal development. Then, during the first encounter, they hear that their ex’s haven’t done very much at all. Remember, it’s not just about them getting back with you – but it’s you getting back with them! Make sure they’re worth it!
  3. If you’ve registered for a 5k next month, or have delved into a new activity, don’t be afraid to showcase this to your ex. This is critical in how to talk to your ex again. Let them know that you’re able to think longterm and interest in things that excite and surprise you. This will likely also excite and surprise them. Maybe they’d even want to join!

During your first encounter, I encourage you to avoid spending too much time with them. I believe that one and a half hours is a decent amount of time for a first meeting. The reason this is so important is because we want to leave our ex’s wanting more. If, on the first meeting since the breakup, you spend six hours together, what will you have left to talk about afterwards? It’s critical that they continue to wonder about what you’ve been up to and how you’re going about your daily routine and business. If you leave just when the groove is coming back into your conversation, they’ll be left longing for your continued company. In many cases, this will prompt them to reach out to you expressing how much they enjoyed the catch up. This move is fundamental in how to attract an ex and how to get your ex to talk to you again.

How to get your ex to talk to you agai

As previously mentioned in the section above, leaving while they’re still interested in interacting can really assist in getting them to reach out. If you feel as though exiting will be challenging (which is totally normal, it’s been a long time since you’ve seen them!), then try setting an appointment that you won’t want to get out of. For instance, maybe try scheduling a session to go pamper yourself for after the meeting. This may be an excellent want to end the encounter and continue on this path of self love and personal development.

If after the first encounter, they don’t reach out. Make sure not to panic. This can happen when trying to get your ex to talk to you again. In these cases, I encourage for you to dip back into no contact. However, this new segment shouldn’t be more than a week or two. Let it be just enough time that they feel as though you’re no longer in constant need of them but also soon enough in time that they can reflect on the positive previous encounter you’ve recently had.

If you do reach out, make sure it’s purpose driven. What I mean by this is, make sure it’s something related to what you’ve recently spoken about. Maybe you mentioned an art piece you liked hanging in the cafe where you two spoke, and you’ve found a link to their online gallery. Or, maybe they loved what they ordered and you have “stumbled” upon a place with excellent reviews that also serves the same dish. If you make your outreach purpose oriented, then they won’t feel threatened or like you’re overdoing communication.

If you need tips on how to keep the conversations going, I ask that you reach out to me or to my partner, Coach Adrian. We help hundreds of people monthly navigate through these same waters of communication and we’d really love to help you, too.

For a lot of us, re-opening the door on how to talk to an ex can be really tough and we can use all the support we can get. Don’t be afraid to ask for help; it’s what we’re here for!

If you feel like your situation is unique and doesn’t apply to the above tips and guidelines, please let me know by leaving a comment in the section below. Please include when you guys met, when you broke up and how the breakup went; and for more in depth advice, try booking a session.

Additionally, if you applied these tips and guidelines to now you’re talking to your ex again, feel free to also leave us your success story below! Please include what tips worked best for you and which didn’t. We’d love to hear about your experience! Helping you learn how to talk to your ex and how to get your ex to talk to you again is one of the things we love doing most in our line of business, so please don’t be shy in filling us in!

Regardless of the need, we’re here to support you and stand by your side. Together, we will develop the right plan for you, tailored to help you get back with the person you love most.

I look forward to communicating with you and to hearing about your current situation.

 

Wishing you the very best always,

Coach N.

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Getting back with your ex

The no contact Rule : How to make it perfectly with your ex !

no contact

The concept that most of our methodologies surround and stem from is the no contact rule. The no contact rule is designed to help you get back with your ex by separating the two of you for long enough that your ex has the opportunity to question whether or not being without you is the right choice.

For many of you, the no contact rule may seem counterintuitive. You may be asking yourself, “well, if I’m not speaking to my ex, how will I get them back?” or “won’t my ex move on if we aren’t speaking?” Ironically, the answers to these questions are the exact opposite of what you’re thinking.

By taking a step away from the relationship and your ex, they’ll be able to realize what life is really going to be like without you. It’s really easy to feel as though a breakup in necessary, but it’s quite hard to get used to once the reality of the situation has kicked in.

If you’re asking yourself, “why is this technique so effective?” Well, to put it simply, no contact will give your ex the opportunity to really miss you. The reason for this is because, toward the end of the relationship, your ex (or maybe both of you) felt tensions and distress. During the no contact, those negative ideas and feelings will have time to subside, leaving the positive and romantic feelings to flourish and remind the thinker of all the value they got from and out of the relationship. It’s rather strange, but, people tend to generally remember the good over the bad when reflecting on their previous partners.

How long is the no contact rule after a break up

The most frequently asked question I receive around no contact is, “how long is the no contact rule after a break up?” This is an excellent question. After all, you’re putting yourself through hell trying to avoid reaching out to your ex during no contact, right? It’s natural to wonder, “when will this end?”

Frustratingly enough, though, there is no specific answer to when to end no contact. Many websites out there may say “30 days”, “45 days”, “60 days”, but I disagree with these more ‘set-in-stone’ type answers. Why? Well, I feel each and every relationship is unique and so the ways to go about reviving them must also be unique. We can’t necessarily compare a relationship of six months between college students to a 25 year marriage with four kids. This is not to say that one relationship is more important that the other, but each and every relationship deserves it’s own tailored game plan.

This reason is why I emphasize committing to one-on-one coaching with Adrian and I over any other medium. By knowing the intricacies of your relationship, we’ll be able to create a style of no contact that’s applicable to you and can serve to maximize your chances at turning your relationship around.

The no contact rule : a way to feel better after a breakup

Here’s another really important fact about the no contact rule: breaking contact with an ex is as much (if not more) about you than it is about them. During the end of a relationship and throughout the breakup, it’s normal that you feel sad, down, ill spirited, and without confidence. Considering this, it’s critical to recognize that you’re not in the condition to be able to get back with your ex! You need distance to feel better and get over a break up before go back to your ex, as this is the only way to position the relationship to have long-term potential.

By committing to no contact, you avoid mistakes – especially ones associated with begging and pleading for them and their attention back (if you’re already done this, it’s OK, there’s still time to turn it around!). For the first time since the breakup, you’ll really be able to take some time in isolation to think about your mistakes and all the ways you may have contributed to the dismantling of the relationship.

A perk I often tell my clients about no contact rule is that, not only will you have the ability to reflect on your relationship and what went wrong, but you’ll be able to do so without being under a microscope. It’s such a blessing that you’ll be able to undergo this extreme and incredible sense of self realization and transformation without the pressures of someone (especially your most important someone) watching you going through it. Imagine if you had to do all of these things and your ex was able to get glimpses of these changes – it could be embarrassing or unattractive or just plain weird. Be thankful you get to do all of this while on your own! Phew! Let this give you some peace of mind!

Rules of no contact : 5 things you have to do to use this technique

Now, while I previously stated in this article that the no contact rule is relative to each and every couple in terms of when it ends, I must also mention that there are also basic rules to how it works. So, if you’re currently wondering how to go about implementing and maintaining no contact, this section of the article is the one for you.

The rules to the no contact rule after a breakup are as follows:

1/ Don’t stay alone, especially toward the beginning of the no contact rule. You’re already feeling lonely due to the breakup itself and so the last thing you’ll need is complete and total isolation. I encourage you to go to movies with friends, or, if you have work to do at home, try doing it in a public place like a library. Just having people around and nearby can really help you now!

2/ For many of you, social media is a fundamental part of life. During no contact, however, it’ll be really important to avoid social media if you spy on your ex with it. Watching your e will only make it more challenging to incorporate no contact and needless to say, just the visual reminders of them and their activity online (and what it says about their activity in person) may drive you insane. It’s not worth the stress, I promise you.

3/ Rule number three: Exercising can be good during no contact. Exercise is one of the best ways to make yourself feel great. Not only will you physically look better, but it also releases endorphins that can silence thoughts and feelings often associated with depression. To put it simply, exercise can serve as therapy for your head, body and heart.

4/ One of the most important rules of the list is making sure you try a new activity every week for 6 weeks. I know this may seem frustrating and the last thing you want to do, but this rule may make the most difference. Most specifically, it gives you the opportunity to show your ex you’re capable of change AND that even during a breakup, nothing can bring you down. This can let your ex know that you’re capable of producing your own happiness and that you aren’t reliant on them for a great quality of life and a fun out-of-routine routine.

5/ The final rule and likely the most important is to work on your self confidence. You may feel like gaining any sort of confidence right now is nearly impossible, however, it’s actually much simpler than you think. Here’s how it works: in order to generate confidence when you’re feeling lousy, you’ll have to trick your mind into feeling confident until it’s ready to feel it on its own. This concept of “emotion hacking” plays on the idea of “fake it till you make it.” In order to forcefully create confidence, you’ll need to do things that generate it.

For instance, one of the key characteristics of confidence is a sense of achievement. Therefore, if you want to feel confident, then give yourself things to achieve! This can start with something as simple as making your bed, and grow toward larger objectives like running a 5K. If you need help with ideas and goals to achieve, please feel free to reach out to me! I’d love to help you create this plan!

If you find yourself struggling to implement these rules, you could be at risk of doing no contact incorrectly or ineffectively. I invite you to reach out to me if this is the case, and I’ll be able to hash out a strategy that you can follow. While no contact is bound to hurt in some degree or another – we can certainly make it as painful as we possible can.

No contact rule with ex : it’s going to change you !

No contact is one of the strongest methods when it comes to getting back with an ex, and I’ve been able to watch so many who use it get the results they want, where those who don’t use it, don’t get the results they way.

Take, Tyler, for instance. Tyler reached out to me a few months ago trying to get back with his ex. She had broken up with him just a few weeks before and like most, Tyler called and begged to change her mind. Although this approach was unsuccessful, he continued to reach out. When him and I got on the phone for our first session, he expressed his hesitations around no contact. For Tyler, no contact because in his mind, less words meant less love. I want to take a moment to state that I understand this fear. No Contact can seem or feel counterintuitive. However, in Tyler’s case, it was really necessary. Sadly, though, Tyler continued to reach out, and over the course of our coaching journey, had slowly become blocked on just about every platform outside of email. He’s still trying to get her back, today, but with the approaches that he’s been using, his chances are getting less and less realistic.

Then, you take, Kyle. By the time Kyle called me, he was actually in a worse position than Tyler. Kyle was already blocked and his ex swore to him and to herself that she would never be with him ever again. They had been together 4 years. Like Tyler, Kyle was pretty hesitant in going no contact. However, I promised him I’d stand beside him and to just trust me. Together, we developed a game-plan geared toward what he was going to do in no contact to keep himself busy and how to best position himself to catch her attention without having to reach out. Well, it’s been 2 months since we started and Kyle is now prepping for his CONFIRMED first date with his ex since the breakup.

Let these examples illustrate just how much power no contact rule with an ex can provide. It’s usually the most painful paths that yield the best results. I encourage you to use this as a mantra of sorts:

“If it hurts, that means it’s working”

Repeat that sentence to yourself whenever the pains you feel during no contact reach all time highs.

No contact rule after a break up : how to come back to your ex

If you’re reading this article, you’re probably waiting for this part : when and how to reach out to your ex after the cruel no contact has reached it’s end.

No contact is not eternal; you have to talk to your ex after 3 or 4 weeks (or slightly longer, depending on your unique situation) and begin to re-introduce the relationship. This time, however, you’ll be able to implement parameters that promote respect.

Remember, the point of no contact isn’t just about getting your ex back, it is also the time to prepare the ways in which you’ll be able to keep them. The most fundamental thing to focus on here is to restore the sense of respect between you and your ex. Respect, the rule, is important because it’ll ensure that your relationship doesn’t take the bad turn it did the first time around. This is particularly true during the no contact with ex if the previous relationship was verbally, emotionally or physically abusive. Use no contact to help come back with solutions and changes. Without them, there is little point in getting back together, anyway, because you’ll likely end up where you are right now.

When it comes down to how to approach your ex after no contact, it’s usually a positive recommendation to reach out using a letter. This letter, however, is not going to be a love letter. Rather, this is an accountability letter – a piece of writing aimed at acknowledging the ways you contributed to dismantling the relationship and how you’ve learned from them. If you reach out in this way, your ex will know that you’ve utilized the time you’ve had apart to discover things about yourself and by discovering them, you have thereby become able to modify and/or correct them.

In addition to accountability, the letter to your ex should also express a desire to maintain a basic relationship, but a romantic one! If your ex feels like you’re reaching out just to get back together after the no contact rule, they’ll likely think all of your changes were just ploys to get them back. If they feel this, they may react defensively rather than receptively, if they even reply at all.

If you are having difficulty writing this letter or defining the boundaries between romance and contact, I encourage you to reach out to me or my partners, Coach Adrian and Coach Alex. We’ve been fortunate enough to help thousands of people writing the perfect accountability letter every year, and we’d love to help you, too.

Additionally, we also have a product on our website, www.withmyexagain.com, that guides you on how to write your first contact after breakup letter. It offers samples and tips to get it right.

After you’ve sent the letter, I invite you to take a step back. They may not respond immediately; they may need time. If you find that your ex didn’t reply as quickly as you wanted, it doesn’t mean they’re gone for good. It also doesn’t mean that you should reach out again. This is the perfect time to show your parter than you’ve gained control of your emotions. If you open the floodgates of communication, it’ll only further reinforce that they made the right decision in leaving you.

When they respond, take your time in replying. Remember, you’re in control of your emotions now and living with a sense of purpose! A purpose driven life isn’t always available at the drop of a hat!

Try setting a time to meet with your ex after no contact. In this encounter, a great tip is to meet your ex somewhere the two of you haven’t been together. This will allow for you to build a brand new memory – the perfect introduction for the brand new relationship you are about to embark on! Also try to wear something they’ve never seen, or perhaps try a new hairstyle. By doing this, you’ll be able to give your ex the visual indication that time and space has come between you and that you’re no longer the person you were before.

You’ll be able to mention the letter you sent them during your meeting, but try not to stay on this topic for too long. We don’t want your ex to associate the encounter with distress or drama. Rather, we want to remind your ex that fundamentally, beneath all of what has happened in the past, that you two are compatible. Try letting the goal be to laugh as much as possible. Laughter is always a winner!

Don’t let the encounter last longer than one and a half hours. By limiting the length of your engagement, you can leave your ex wanting more of your company. If on the first time you see each other, you hang out for five hours, you may begin to run out of things to talk about or a sense of boredom can occur. Be wary of this, as if your ex feels bored while hanging out, they may let that feeling reaffirm why you two are better off apart. If you aren’t sure if you’ll have the strength to cut your bonding short, I encourage you to set an appointment for yourself that will force you to pull yourself away.

One last tip: avoid drinking. Drinking can lead to anger or lust and both of them have the possibility of triggering a negative or awkward experience that neither of you want to deal with.

If you’ve done no contact correctly, your likelihood of this meeting (and your likelihood of it going very well) should be very high. If they haven’t responded to your letter, don’t worry. We can reach out to them again at a later date, but until then, it’ll be important to reintroduce the no contact rule. If you reach out soon after not getting a response, you may empower them and consequently motivate them to stay away from rekindling the relationship.

Although no contact as a rule seems really scary, I promise you that it will really maximize your chances of getting back with your ex. It truly allows for both persons in the breakup to assess their situation and question whether or not the decision to separate was a wise one.

if you need help with no contact, or with the accountability letter, I’d be glad to help. Please feel free to leave a comment on this article. Share your thoughts or share your story, and we can see what makes sense for you. If you’d like a tailored game plan unique to your situation, I would love to schedule a session with you, where you’ll have the chance to share a detailed description of your situation and we can figure out whether or not the no contact rule is right for you.

 

The WMEA experts to know how to use the No Contact Rule after a breakup

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Getting back with your ex

How to attract your ex: The 3 best ways.

seduce an ex

As a relationship coach, I’m asked a lot of questions relating to topics of love and reconciliation. However, it’s the do’s and don’ts of how to attract your ex that I’m likely asked most about. In this article, you’ll find a few tips geared to help you get back with an ex.

Most importantly, these tools encompass the art of re-attraction and how to talk to your ex. If you can achieve re-attracting your ex, then the bulk of the work in getting them back is over.

Attract a man or attract a woman after a breakup

During a breakup, it’s normal to question whether or not your partner still finds you attractive. You may feel less sexy, unlovable and less desirable. However, don’t let these emotions get the best of you, because confidence is tip #1 and the most important tip in this article on how to attract your ex. Confidence is the primary tool you’ll need when it comes time to seduce your ex.

In fact, I find confidence to be so critical in how to attract an ex, that I insist for you to refrain from any outreach whatsoever until you’ve achieved this heightened perception of self.

Right now, you may say, “I feel so lousy, what if I’m never able to seduce my ex?”. Well, not to worry! There are ways to induce confidence. The number one way to gain some confidence is to give yourself things to accomplish. This can start with tiny tasks, some as basic as remembering to make your bed in the morning. That small like act can domino into several other things for you to complete per day.

Some ideas here can be, going to the gym, grocery shopping for the week, getting all those errands you’ve been avoiding out of the way. By completing these tasks, you’ll feel better about yourself, and thereby feel more attractive. Consequently, you’ll find yourself back in high spirits and ready to seduce your ex again.

How to get a guy’s attention after a breakup

This section is for the ladies. Now that you’re feeling good, let’s get down to the basics of how to get a guy to notice you. If you’re feeling as though achieving this is impossible, I can promise you that you’re wrong. Why am I so certain? Well, because you’ve achieved it before! Remember that time your ex found you irresistible? That’s what we’re trying to recreate. If you can pull this off, you will get your ex’s attention.

When it comes to how to get a guy to notice you, the first and main thing to consider in the importance of surprise. When you first started attracting your ex the first time around, he had to much to discover about you. You were a mystery to him. We need to bring back that element of surprise! I encourage you to try doing new things, switch up your daily routine and avoid monotonous behaviors.

Remember, when your ex left, he likely felt he knew your life and routine like a book, and based on this complete assessment – he questioned whether you were the right woman for him. Let’s show him that there’s more to you than what he’s seen, and there is so much left for him to learn. It’s in this tactic that you’ll seduce your ex and get your ex’s attention.

How to get a girl’s attention after a breakup

If you’re trying to learn how to attract a girl, much of the content listed in the ladies’ section above may apply to you, also. Particularly, the elements of surprise and confidence are essential in how to attract your ex and get your ex’s attention.

Women like for their partner’s to take the lead. So, for those of you reading, you’ll have to spearhead this. If you want to attract your ex, you’ll need to be confident and excited about what you’re doing and the life you’re living. Women desire men who are happy with themselves and always up for learning about themselves.

If you are having difficultly in the confidence arena, I invite you to try giving yourself things to achieve, like what I was discussing a few paragraphs ago in this article. That’s the most important way when it comes to how to attract an ex girlfriend.

How to seduce your ex

While the word “seduce” is often associated with a sexualized connotation, that’s not necessarily how I’m implying it in this article. In terms of how to get your ex back and how to attract your ex, seduction is very emotional and psychological. It’s not necessarily about how little clothing you’re wearing and what shows off your biceps (although looking great is also wonderful, as it shows you’ve been taking care of yourself!), but it’s about how you’re living.

If you’re trying to learn how to attract your ex, it all boils down to what you have to offer. Are you enjoying your life? Are you laughing often? Are you challenging yourself? What is beneath the clothes? At the end of the day, these are the sorts of things we want in a partner. So, it’s no surprise that these are the things one needs to showcase when it comes to how to get your ex back where they’re supposed to be: WITH YOU!

How to Attract your ex : what to do after ?

If you’ve successfully begun to attract your ex again, your work isn’t done. The last tip; one that is likely as important as confidence, is consistency. Whether your goal is to attract a man or to attract a woman, consistency will be key in order to keep them. Remember, although you’ve found the right way to attract your ex, they are still as capable of exiting your life as they were before. If you resort to your previous behaviors, it’ll be challenging for them to want to stick around, and then you’ll be right back here – where you started.

If you’ve begun infusing new things into your life and worked on that element of surprise we were previously going over – make sure to keep it up. If you slowly end up being who you were before, you will not attract your ex for the long-term. Please be very, very aware of this, as I wouldn’t want you to do all this work only to lose them.

If you have any questions or concerns about what to do and how to go about how to attracting your ex, whether you’re trying to attract a woman or attract a man, the team over at the with my ex again.com blog are here to help you. We specialize in relationship optimization, and have successfully helped thousands of couples reach their goals of rekindling and reconciliation.

If you aren’t sure whether or not your unique situation applies to my tips above, I’d love to hear more. Feel free to reach us at contact@withmyexagain.com.

 

Wishing you the very best always,

 

Coach N. from WMEA.com

 

 

 

 

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Getting back with your ex

How to talk to your ex : The Best 3 Tips!

ex talking

As if breakups themselves aren’t hard enough, knowing how to talk to your ex after the no contact rule can be just as painful and frustrating. At this point, it’s normal and fairly likely for you not to feel too great. You’re anxious, your self esteem may be on the decline and it’s natural to feel like a foreigner in your own skin.

I understand this feeling, I’ve been there. However, I also have the opportunity to coach hundreds of people on a monthly basis through their breakups. Particularly, I professionally prepare and position people to get back with their ex’s. If you’re reading this, you may believe that the chances of getting back with your ex seem nearly impossible. You may fear that you’ve lost them for good. In contrast to these fears, you have a higher chance of getting back with the person you love than you’re likely thinking.

Talking to an ex may seem like the scariest thing on Earth right now. However, if you can learn how to talk to your ex before the encounter(s) arise, you’ll be able to handle it sexily and confidently. I promise, it isn’t as hard as it may seem to you in this moment.

How to talk to an ex

There are a few tricks to keep in mind when it comes to talking to your ex. Most of these tricks are universally applicable, and aren’t necessarily to be determined by the type and status of the breakup you’re currently going through.

When it comes to that moment when you realize your ex is near, the first thing to do is NOT act surprised. Do not behave as though you’ve been caught off guard (even though you are!). You must try your very best to stay focussed on what you were doing before – be it speaking with a friend of enjoying a meal. If they notice your fear, you’ve automatically empowered them, and this will give them the upper hand when talking to an ex.

If your ex was the one to break up with you and if the decision to break up is due to their inability to trust you, you should certainly be polite when you see him or her, but make sure that when you get to talking to an ex, you aren’t overly engaged. What this means is, be kind and endearing, but don’t act guilty or overly apologetic. Don’t look at them with sad eyes or slouch your shoulders. It will be important for you take accountability for your behavior while still being strong.

If the breakup wasn’t relating to lack of trust, then the same rules will apply: always be polite, but not overly engaged. An example of this can be, for instance: say hello, say you’re doing well, nod when he or she tells you the same, and then casually excuse yourself to return to whatever you were doing before you noticed them in the room or area. Being concise and confident in this way is critical when it comes to how to talk to your ex.

If you’re wondering how to start a conversation with your ex, remember you don’t have to be afraid and you can initiate conversation, as long as you’re disposition is one of confidence and assertiveness. If your knees are buckling, you may not be ready to initiate conversation and so I would advice you to avoid it. I would rather nothing happen than something bad happen.

If the breakup was initiated by them and it ended on poor terms, maybe it’s wise to let them approach you. Remember, they made the decision to break up! Let them make the decision to say “hello” !

What to talk about with your ex

RULE OF THUMB: If you’re in the position where you end up talking to an ex, WHAT to talk about with your ex is just as important as how to talk to your ex.

Many times, when we find ourselves talking to an ex (especially if we want to get back together), we get so excited we over-extend ourselves. We’re overly polite and trying to make the conversation as long as possible. I advise against this. As perviously mentioned, when it comes to how to talk to an ex and what to talk about with your ex, concise and short conversation is most important.

Why?

Well, your ex must see that you’re able to live happily independently of them. They must see that, even though you broke up, your world hasn’t fallen apart. You are still living, you are living well, and nothing can bring you down. As partners (especially for ex’s) this attitude is incredibly attractive. In addition, it also makes them question the value and impact they added and had on your life. This can be positive because, in the same way focussing on them in the room can empower them (as perviously mentioned in this article), them doubting themselves in front of you can empower you. Let the tables turn!

If they ask you what you’ve been up to, remember that you can only be positive in terms of things to talk about with your ex. Make sure not to bring up the job you lost or fight you had with a good friend. Rather, mention the new things you’ve implemented into your daily routine. Maybe it’s a new hobby or place to eat, changes comes in a variety of shapes and sizes. Infusing the element of surprise is key when it comes to how to talk to an ex and how to what to talk about with your ex.

If you’re feeling like your situation is unique and like the above tips on how to talk to an ex don’t apply to you, I encourage you to reach out to me. I’d love to help you determine the smartest and most strategic plan of action so you can re-attract the person you love and value most.

Sometimes our nerves and fear can get the best of us, but I’m here to help you level set your actions and expectations.

I look forward to connecting with you and wish you the very best, always.

 

Coach Natalie & Alex

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Finding the one

Why do men leave and come back ?

men left

Relationships are tough. Not only are they tough to initiate and kickstart, but they can also be tough to maintain. Many women I work with have asked me to write an article tailoring to our relationships with men. More specifically, what prompts a man to leave and how can we reel them back in? As women, we can’t help but try to understand the driving forces of men. What makes them tick? Why do men leave and come back? Do men always come back? What men like, want and do they never? Why does a man come back to you? How can you expedite the return?

The questions I’ve listed above are some of the many that women spend heaps of time trying to assess. Why? Well, if we can tune into the needs and desires and mechanics of men and the male psyche, we can also assess how to best manage our relationships with them.

If you’re fresh out of a relationship and trying to lure him back to you, I want to start by expressing my condolences for your current situation and emotional status. I know breakups can hurt like hell, and just because I’m a relationship expert doesn’t mean I haven’t had my fair share of heartache. I’ve been fortunate enough to let my experiences serve as models for my clients, and have utilized many of the methodologies to see and observe their outcomes. I’m happy to say that I’m in a very happy and healthy relationship and can’t wait to help you reach the same goal.

Anyway, let’s get to it and to know how to seduce a man:

“ Why do men leave and come back? ”

It would be foolish to assume that men always come back. However, it would be just as foolish to assume that they never do. The reality is that a lot of the reasons associated with a man’s decision to return to a relationship are in our (women’) control. Much of how we handle the split will determine the likelihood of their return.

If after the breakup, you’ve pleaded, pestered and begged for them to return, it’s likely that it didn’t work. However, just because you did these things, doesn’t mean you’re doomed and you’ll never have the chance to make it work. If you’re still in the begging period, STOP NOW. You can still turn this around the right way. Trust me.

As previously listed, a lot of the reasons behind a man coming back to a relationship actually depend on you and your behaviors during and post breakup or divorce. If you’re asking, “why do men come back?” you’re reading the right article. In order to answer this question, however, we must first identify why he left in the first place. Like way back in Math class, we can’t find the solution without the problem.

The primary reason a man exits a relationship is because he questioned his partner’s ability to make him happy long term. What this means is, he realized something, or perhaps multiple things, that he felt weren’t suitable for him to handle or deal with in the long run or for an extended period of time. When we break up with someone, it is because we feel we’ve thoroughly assessed them as people. We’ve observed their routine, have seen different shades of their personalities, and based on this overall assessment, we’re not confident in sharing a “forever” with this person.

Therefore, in order for our men to come back, we need to let them know that they don’t have us quite as figured out as they had predicted. We need to surprise them, excite them, and show them that we are capable of change and evolution.

Why do men come back and leave after : 4 things to know !

If a man leaves you, he will come back if he feels there’s more to discover. Its this sense of curiosity alone that, if you decide to reach back out later on down the road, will make him receptive to your outreach and give you the chance to re-attract him or kiss him. In short, what makes a man come back is the element of surprise. After all, dating is supposed to be fun, right? It’s supposed to be an adventure that’s full of surprises and excitement.

Here are 4 ways to pull this off:

1. Change is visual: When it comes time to show your ex that you’re still malleable and capable of change and evolution, visual signs ca be great indicators. For instance, try buying a new blouse (as if women need an additional reason to shop!) or hair style. This will let him know that things have changed since the split. It’s little tricks like this that are the reasons why men come back.

2. Change is in your routine: Have you tried new activities since the breakup? Show them on social media. I’m not advising you to overdo is or post 3+ things per day. But, if you recently did something out of the ordinary, maybe picked up a new hobby or did a Groupon Horseback Riding excursion with friends, don’t be afraid to showcase this. Let him know that the routine he felt he knew so well has already been spiced up. Spontaneity is sexy!

3. Change is in attitude: Want to know what makes a man come back? Well, confidence is a really big one. Confidence is an attractive quality, and it shows that you’re still living post breakup. It’s likely that during the breakup, you didn’t exert too much of it. After all, break ups hurt! However, if you start to put that pep in your step now, post breakup, you’ll show your ex you’re happy and excited to be living. He’ll be curious to see what’s making you act this way! (plays on the element of surprise)

4. Change is in acceptance: Coming to terms with the breakup is the last thing your partner will expect so soon. This is a sure sign that you’ve respected their decision and didn’t let it defeat you. If I could stress one things: this tip alone is the largest reason why men leave and come back. However, remember, it’s not as easy as just saying “I’ve accepted it.” You must actually, truly and wholeheartedly accept it. This is the hardest one to follow, but that’s why it’s most affective. If you need help getting to this point and actively applying it, I encourage you to book a coaching session with me and we can work on it together. I’d love to help after an infidelity.

Do men come back all the time : Be careful !

If you follow the tips I’ve listed above to a T, it’s tremendously likely that men always come back (unless you’re hiding specifics from me that I should know about).

However, getting him back isn’t really the tricky part, it’s keeping him again. You need to be careful in that you aren’t just replicating the previous relationship, because you’ll be back and reading this article later on down the road, wondering why your hard work didn’t go into fruition the way you wanted. So, make sure you’re prepared to make solutions to the issues that triggered the breakup in the first place. Don’t give him the ammunition to walk away again.

Whatever you need, please feel free to leave a comment here. I’d love to connect with you.

I wish you and yours the very best always.

Sincerely,

Coach Nat.

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