When we’re in the pit of a breakup, the last thing we want to hear is that we have to go into strict No Contact, or Radio Silence in order to get our ex back. We can’t help but feel like ignoring our ex is counterintuitive. After all, how are they going to see how capable we are of changing if we aren’t in touch with one another? Will my ex forget about me if I use the no contact?
Believe it or not, this is likely the most commonly asked question I’m asked during one-on-one sessions with my clients, and I completely understand why. No Contact can be absolutely heart scorning and petrifying. It’s natural to sit and question “how to stay in my exs thoughts?” or “will my ex forget me in no contact?” If you’re reading this article right now, asking yourself those or similar questions – don’t worry, you aren’t alone. Many of us sit and pine as to how No Contact really works and more specifically, how is will work for us.
In order to calm your nerves about the idea of speaking to your ex less (or realistically, not very much at all) while also preparing you to use it to your benefit and consequently get your ex back, we’ll have to spend some time breaking down what it No Contact is, how it works and why it’s actually beneficial.
In this article, I will focus on why the no contact is necessary after a break up. More specifically, I will also describe the 3 ways to avoid your ex forgetting about you during no contact, and how to talk to an ex again after the no contact. I hope that reading this compilation of relationship information will help give you the peace of mind you deserve and needless to say, the peace of mind you will undoubtedly need in order to implement and maintain No Contact correctly. By the end of this article, you’ll have answered those treacherous questions I listed above:
Will my ex forget about me if I use the no contact?
How to stay in my ex thoughts?
Ideally, you’ll also have answered several more! Please note, that if by the end of the article, your questions relating to No Contact and its benefits and implementation tactics have been left unanswered, please comment in the section outlined below. Or, feel free to email Coach Adrian and I directly at the following email. We’d love to create additional material geared toward helping you feel that peace of mind you’re after.
Why the no contact is necessary after a break up
While, in reality, the complete list of benefits No Contact can bring are truly an article of their own.. as there are dozens of reasons with the no contact is necessary after a breakup; I’m going to use this article to discuss the top and most potent benefits people often ask about and relate best to.
To start, it’s going to make your ex miss you. Having your ex miss you is fundamental in the process of getting them back. Why? Well, it allows for the dust to settle, and over time, it will actually help them begin to dismiss the negative thoughts they previously felt. Particularly, the ones that led to the dreaded breakup. Remember, the day they broke up with you is not the day they decided – rather, it’s just the day that they followed through with it. With No Contact, those remaining feelings that fueled their decision can begin to be forgotten or find resolve.
When we miss someone, we can’t help but focus on the good. After all, that’s why we miss things, right? Because of the good the brought to us and the value that was added to our lives! Immediately after a break up, it may be easy for your ex to stay away from you, because they haven’t yet transitioned into what life will really be without you. This haven’t missed you yet. This can start with basic things : maybe having a person to watch their favorite show with or a person they used to call when they were frustrated. All of those things generate a sense of longing for the person who is no longer there.
It’s for reasons and moments like the ones I’ve listed in the previous paragraph that the end goal of our ex missing us is the number one reason why the no contact rule after a break up works wonders. In addition to them missing us, they’ll also be forced to reflect on how much their lives have dramatically changed without us in it. It may not happen overnight, but it’ll certainly happen. After the thousands of people that we’ve all coached collectively, this has been something they’ve all mostly shared! It’ the perfect way to attract your ex.
A lot of you may be thinking, but what if they realize that their live is better now? While I understand this concern, please note that it’ll take way longer than 1 month or so of no contact (especially for longer term relationships or marriages) for them to make that realization if they are indeed able to make that realization. Remember, you’re a habit, and habits are hard to break! Most habits are pretty painful to let go of. The same way you feel as though you’re withdrawing from your ex, is the same way they feel as though they are withdrawing from you. They’re used to your scent, voice, shared plans and lifestyle choices and perspectives.
I understand that right now you may feel totally forgettable. You may be asking yourself, “will my ex really be missing my scent like Coach Natalie is saying?” However, I want you to take a minute to think about where this self doubt is coming from. Is it from your heart or is it from your ego?
Our egos can sometimes find pleasure in making us doubt ourselves. This may be the same little voice that says, “you can be skinnier, richer, more socially networked.” Be mindful of this voice, because it’s going to be important for you to silence it now. Do NOT let your ego get in the way of your progress. Your relationship with yourself must be at an all time high in order for you to be able to get your ex back. Imagine this: if you are a clock, your ego is that lose pesky little screw that can jam all the gears. If you give that screw enough time to rust, it’ll be ten times harder to extract it and get those gears going again! Make sure to keep that screw from getting stuck in your gears of progress and personal development!
A third reason why the no contact rule after a breakup is amazing is because, while your ex is home pondering about you and how different their life is, you’re finding ways to learn how to get over a break up. This reason is critical for you right now, as this period will allow for you to regain a sense of self. It’s very normal to feel very out of your skin during a breakup. You may not recognize yourself or what your self interests even are anymore.
More often than not, when we give a relationship our “all” (which we often tend to do, because we love them!!), we end up sacrificing a lot. Then, when the breakup occurs, we don’t recognize who we are anymore, because over time, we began identifying ourselves in the eyes and hearts of our ex’s. As previously noted, we really may feel like foreigners in our own skins, and this is what can make the breakup so painful. Not only do we feel like we broke up with our ex’s, but we also somehow feel like we’ve broken up with ourselves! It can really feel like a double whammy!
However, during no contact, we have the opportunity to target the holes in our hearts and identifies, and fix them. Not only is the fundamental for you, but it’s also really important when it comes to your readiness and ability to be a great partner to your ex. As Coach Adrian and I have mentioned in several articles, it’s the personal development element of the breakup that is truly most important.
Let’s take a moment and go back in time: Remember when your ex met you? You were strong, you were mysterious, you were excited by the world around you and in turn really exciting to be around. This is the person that your ex remembers! Then, over the course of the relationship, you changed. Maybe you stopped doing the things you used to do in order to spend more time with your partner, or maybe you adopted new habits that you previously hadn’t considered because they were things that your ex enjoyed. Regardless of what you may have sacrificed or adopted, your ex doesn’t recognize you as the person that they met. Therefore, it became easier for them to exit the relationship. It’s much easier to walk away from a stranger than from the love of our lives, right? Consequently, In this circumstance, we then need to regain this sense of self to then re-attract our ex and rebuild the relationship.
In addition to letting our rediscovered sense of self and confidence attract our ex, it will also allow for us to feel good about ourselves, and this strength can prepare us to reach out to our ex’s and to handle whatever is on the other side of that outreach. For many who haven’t successfully regained their confidence and peace of mind, reaching out can make them feel the breakup all over again, as though it’s just happened. This can trigger another emotional collapse, and you’ll have to do the rebuilding process all over again. It can be very painful, and so I can’t stress enough the importance of personal development and self awareness.
Will my ex forget about me if I use the no contact : 3 ways to avoid that
Just because we aren’t speaking to our exs, doesn’t mean we can’t find ways to prevent our ex’s from not thinking about us. This is where the No Contact can actually be a little bit of fun! Remember, just because they aren’t reaching out, doesn’t mean they aren’t checking in. You may be constantly checking in on your ex, too, right? You two are habits for one another, remember? Your ex wants to see what you’re doing with all this free time you’ve gained. They’re also likely to be very curious as to who you’re spending new time with. I cant stress it enough: you aren’t the only one in the breakup wondering what the ex is doing. They’re also wondering the same things are you are.
A great way to stay in the mind of your ex (and to help you stay there) is social media. Make sure to keep your social media updates to show your ex you are a better person and are continuing to live a fruitful life full of new activities.
this is where my previous suggestion to try new things comes into play. If you only post things pertaining to your previous lifestyle, then your ex won’t be as intrigued to continue to check in. By staying the same, your ex will only re-affirm that you still aren’t the person you can invest in long-term. So, the more new things you do, the more your ex will see your changes and the more their curiosity will heighten.
Lastly, always feel free to let social media serve to show how great you’re looking. While, in the movies, it’s normal for the broken hearted person to be pictured collapsed on the floor of their living rooms with a pint of ice cream and an avalanche of Kleenex, it’s important not to stay in this mode for too long. We don’t want ice cream, we want crunches! We want to show our ex’s that we look better than ever. This will remind them of your sexual connection and this is also very important. The sensual relationships we have with our partners can be very powerful elements to tap into during a breakup. This isn’t mean to insinuate that you should be sleeping with your ex, necessarily, but it should mean that they can still find you attractive.
Note: If you find it really hard to snap out of grieving, I would encourage you limiting yourself to 15 minutes of wallowing a day. That way, you get to satiate that need, without letting it dominate you. Believe it or not, this can really help. However, once those 15 minutes are up, you need to snap out of it and continue on your personal development journey!
Outside of the gym or whatever exercise or health/wellness routine you select, I think a really immediate way to show your ex how great you look is by wearing an item of clothing that they haven’t previously seen before. The change can be subtle and won’t require you investing in a new wardrobe. However, a new blouse or belt buckle, or a new hairstyle can immediately show your ex that you’re evolving and changing as a person and as a partner.
How to talk to an ex again after the no contact
When the No Contact element of the breakup is coming to an end, it’s normal to question how you’re going to go about reaching out to your ex when the time is right. I understand that it can be really nerve wrecking. However, we’ve come up with an almost fool proof plan when its to comes to this initial outreach. It’s the accountability letter approach. Never, ever underestimate the power of a great letter.
If you were previously wondering “will my ex forget about me if I don’t talk?” Well, not if you write a good letter! In a letter, you’ll have the opportunity to take accountability for the ways you contributed to dismantling the relationship. More specifically, you’ll have the chance to really list why things went wrong and how you’ve been able to correct these behaviors during no contact. If you write this letter correctly, your partner will be receptive and this can break the silence is a very positive way.
TIP ** If you feel like you aren’t a natural writer or like you aren’t sure how to go about writing the letter, it’s ok, we’re here to help. We have a product on our website, with my ex again, geared toward this exact process. We encourage you to take a look at it (it also includes samples!) and give it your best shot. If you’d like for us to revise and correct it, we can certainly arrange for that, too. In fact, we’ve helped several hundreds of people write these letters and send them.
One of the biggest mistakes we see in writing the accountability letter lends toward you consciously (or sometimes more ambiguously) asking for your partner back. Therefore, I really want to take a moment to clarify that THIS IS NOT A LOVE LETTER. This letter is not aimed at rekindling. Rather, it is aimed at repairing the ways in which your ex may perceive you or the breakup or the relationship in general. If your ex gets the impression that the goal behind this letter is to rekindle, they may in turn believe that all the changes you’ve claimed to have made are only plows to get your ex back, and therefore aren’t true changes. If this happens, all the work we’ve done is seen as a performance, rather than as permanent modifications. Therefore, beware of this! Make sure not to ask for your ex back in the letter!
Now, another huge mistake that comes with writing the letter is expecting to receive an immediate response. It it very natural to want an immediate turnaround. After all, you really just put yourself out there for the first time in a while. It’s scary! However, remember, your ex is also overwhelmed by having received the letter. They may need to take some time to process their thoughts and emotions before generating a response.
If you feel like you’re in the bunch who doesn’t receive an instant outreach from your ex after the letter, I insist that you do not try to reach out again, even if it’s to see if they’ve gotten it. If you do this, your ex will likely believe that you haven’t moved on and that if they’re responsive, the emotional floodgates will open and you’ll start writing them non-stop. Therefore, I invite you to really be patient right now. In these moments, I want you to reflect on how strong you were during No Contact, and let that strength carry you during this period. In extreme cases, where your ex doesn’t reply, I invite you to book a session with me so we can determine where the disconnect happened. These are very often correctable with enough notice of the situation.
Ultimately, I really encourage you no to worry about whether your ex will forget about you and the relationship during no contact. Using the tips I’ve outlined in this article and by understanding why No Contact can be tremendously beneficial, you should be in great shape to implement and manage with peace of mind.
I believe that you can do this, and I believe in the true potential of your success and ability to turn around your relationship and get back with your ex and person that you love and admire more. Using the information in this article, Alex, Adrian and I over at WMEA have helped hundreds of people get back with their exs.
If you have any questions about our methodologies and how they operate, or if you feel that due to a unique situation you are unable to implement the above strategy, please leave a comment in the field below. Our team is here to help support you throughout the entirety of this process. You don’t have to walk it alone.
I look forward to connecting with you.
Wishing you the very best,