Hello! I’m Coach Natalie and I’m a Life Coach who focusses on and has dedicated their life to rebuilding intimate relationships. Every week, I (or one of my business partners) creates an article geared toward common questions or situations that we observe in our one-on-one coaching sessions. These articles serve as a self-coaching guide for you all at home. If you’re new to this website, I invite you to look around to make sure you have all the resources you need to get through this challenging period. We understand that your situation can be incredibly painful. We’re here to support you.
This article particularly surrounds one of the most frequent-seen and felt obstacles I help my clients deal with during their breakups and during the process of rekindling with an ex. This article is about the ins and outs of missing your ex.
In a breakup, it’s the most natural thing for us to miss having our exes in our lives. After all, we’ve invested so much of ourselves and of our time into them and our relationship, right? Why wouldn’t we miss the hell out of them? Don’t worry. We get it!
I wanted to write this article because, while missing your ex is normal, it’s incredibly crippling, and can prevent you from finding the peace of mind and inner confidence you need to both heal and get your ex back (if that is your end goal). Out of all issues my clients face that cause them to break and reach out to their exes – missing them is by far the most dangerous, as it can stunt a clients’ personal development and send them down the rabbit hole of self-doubt and fear.
In this post, I will discuss why we miss our exes, how to feel better about missing our exes (even how to miss them less!) and common mistakes to avoid.
Before I dive in, I want to mention that this article, like the others featured on this site, are generalized topics, but should not be regarding as tailored to your unique situation. If you feel as though the materials you’re reading don’t relate to your story entirely, I encourage you to either visit our YouTube channel LoveAdviceTV, for more content, or to book a session with me or Coach Adrian. In my experience, one-on-one coaching sessions tend to yield the highest results, because the game plans are made specifically to you and whatever it is you’re going through.
Lastly, if there’s a topic or idea you’d like to see content or material on that so-far you haven’t found on our site, please leave a comment below this article. We want to make sure that we offer resources to all possible situations because are really invested on what we do and who we do it for : you. We’re here to help, and will able be receptive of any additional insight or constructive criticism. Thank you and enjoy!
1/ Why do i miss my ex
If you’re asking yourself “why am I missing my ex” or “why do I miss my ex so much”, I want to start this section of the article by saying that missing your ex is completely normal. In fact, I would find it strange if you didn’t miss your ex. After al, you spent a bunch of time with them!
There are plenty of reasons why you may find yourself missing your ex, but this article will discuss the top 3 most common:
#1 Why You Miss Your Ex :
One reason you may find yourself missing your ex is because your ex is a habit of yours. You’re used to texting and calling them, as well as receiving texts and calls from them. You’re used to spending time with them and them wanting to spend time with you. Now that you’re seeing less of them, the habit you’ve formed is now being forced to change, and that can hurt! Compare it to someone with a fatty and unhealthy diet suddenly opening a fridge to grapes and quinoa. It just feels weird! However, like that person seeking healthier options, spending time away from your ex is actually a good thing. Remember, the breakup occurred for a reason and it’s important to recognize that space and time can really help the dust settle.
#2 Why You Miss Your Ex :
Another reason you may be missing your ex is because you’re not used to being alone. Some of us fear loneliness more than just about anything, and a fresh breakup can really heighten that fear. People in relationships, especially those of you who have been in long term relationships, aren’t accustomed to life as a single person and can internalize this change as though they’re lives are less interesting. While this can be very tricky, but it’s very curable! I’ll discuss how to cure this in the following section of this article.
#3 Why You Miss Your Ex :
A third, and maybe the most common reason, we may miss our ex is because we needed them to feel good about ourselves. Believe it or not, many of us use our ex’s as mirrors : they way they look at us is the way we look at ourselves. Now that they’re gone, we may be wondering how lovable we are and how memorable we are to them now. This reason is more often than not the most painful, and it’s the one that likely keeps us on the floor with a pint of ice cream and a Romantic Comedy marathon. If this is the one you identify most, there’s good news and bad news.
The good news is that how you perceive yourself is completely under your control. No one in the world has the power to make you love yourself more or less, nor are they responsible for showing us how lovable or unlovable we are. Therefore, if you’re willing to face yourself, and give yourself the love and respect you deserve, you’ll never need a man or woman to tell you how great you are ever again.
The bad news, unfortunately, is that this issue is very personal and shows that maybe having a partner right now isn’t the best idea. When I speak to a client undergoing stresses related to their self-esteem or their general relationship with themselves, I usually recommend that they pull themselves from the dating pool and focus on dating themselves first. We often look to our partners to prove to us how special we are, but in reality, that’s our job! We need to value ourselves, and we need to inspire ourselves. If you’re reading this section and feel like you identify with it, then it’s a good thing that you aren’t dating anyone. I feel like, if you’re able to focus on you, instead of on your ex, you’ll be able to rebuild that self-esteem and be able to rekindle with them later on down the line, when you’re in good standings with yourself. It will take work, but it’s the most gratifying journey when you begin to embrace it.
If you feel reason #3 is the one bothering you most, I again encourage you to book a session with Coach Adrian or myself. We have so many tools and tricks to help you rebuild your relationship with you, and believe it or not, that is Step 1 to getting your ex back. Way to kill two birds with one stone!
2/ How can I feel better when I miss my ex ?
When I really miss my ex, I ask myself when the pain will go away; I wonder how can I feel better when I miss my ex ?
Believe it or not, there are so many ways to feel better, even if you really miss your ex boyfriend or really miss your ex girlfriend. In this article, I will highlight three key ways to feel better when missing an ex.
#1 How To Miss My Ex Less :
The primary way to miss your ex less is to stay as busy as possible. Usually, in a breakup, we find ourselves unwilling to go outside, socialize, meet people, explore our surroundings. Instead, we prefer to sit on our couches or in our beds and drill ourselves on what we may have done wrong or what we could have done differently. Succumbing to this approach, though, is the slowest way to stop missing your ex – this I can assure you.
Instead, I invite you to fill your schedule with countless activities. This transitions into point number two.
#2 How To Miss My Ex Less :
An incredible way to miss your ex less is by trying a variety of new activities. Not only should you be really busy, but be really busy trying things you’ve never done before! With all this new time you have, learn about yourself! Go skydiving, get your scuba diving license, pick up a good book! Not only will doing things like this help you miss your ex less, it will also make you love yourself more and give your confidence levels a major boost! When your confidence is higher, it’ll be so much simpler to spend more time alone. Why? Because spending time with yourself means you’ll be doing exciting things! After a while, you may really start to look forward to this one-on-one time with yourself. Talk about a win, win situation.
3/ I miss my ex so much : How to avoid the mistakes
While reading this article, you may have asked yourself something along the lines of “What’s the big deal if I miss my ex? Who cares? I’m the only one affected!”
Well, you see, that’s not entirely true. When we find ourselves stuck missing an ex, we can end up making pretty bad decisions and yes, you guessed it, a lot of those decisions end in us reaching out to our exes in one (wrong) way or another. When we do this, we tend to make our situations worse. Why? Well, because when we are missing an ex and we end up reaching out to them, we can easily annoy or frustrate them, and can actually re-affirm why it was a good decision for them to leave us or for the relationship to end.
When we reach out to our exes in a state of desperation, like when we really miss them, we often make them feel like they’re better than us, and like we need them to be happy with ourselves or satisfied with our lives. This can be very unattractive and can consequently push your ex farther away from you.
If there’s one piece of advice to take from this article, it’s going to be to NOT reach out to your ex just because you miss them. For the high majority, it just makes things worse. Instead, wait until you’re in better standing with yourself and are more confident. Confidence is going to be what keeps you strong during the outreach process and it’ll help stop you from overthinking things (which can also put us in an awkward and thereby unsuccessful position).
When I ask a lot of my clients to do, if they’re unable to have the self control we’re fighting for, is to give their ex’s information to their best friends for safe keeping and then to delete that information from their phones. This can serve as a preventative measure. Another idea I tell clients is to write me instead (or your best friend, if you and I aren’t in coaching) ! This way, you can get the thoughts and feelings out of you, while not letting them to get your ex, either. This has proven to be very helpful for many people. Give it a try!
Summing it up – Why I miss My Ex
Ultimately, as discussed in this article, missing your ex is really normal. You’re used to them and you miss their company. However, missing an ex can impair our abilities to heal from the relationship and can also hinder our abilities to take care of ourselves and value ourselves.
Before reaching out to your ex, make sure to get the “missing them” element under control. Even if it takes months, then go for it! Wait it out! It’s better for you to wait, collect yourself, and ‘WOW!’ them with this new and improved and confident you, than it is to prove to them that you aren’t doing well in your life and that they’re the superior partner.
If you feel your situation is unique and like I haven’t targeted it here – please leave a comment in the section below. I’d love to hear about what you’re going through and I’d love to help. If you’re shy about posting information about yourself or afraid to share your story online, please feel free to reach us.
We check out Contact email daily and will reply to you the moment that we can. We know how painful missing an ex can be and sometimes it can be the only thing we think about. Believe it or not, we’ve been there! We can help!
Thank you for reading and for tune in to our blog, website, and YouTube Channel, LoveAdviceTV. I hope it helps give you some piece of mind, especially when peace feels so far away.
I look forward to connecting with you soon!