unhappy relationship

If you admit to yourself, I am not happy in my relationship, I want you not to worry. I’m here to tell you that this is perfectly normal. It happens to everyone at some point or another. It’s an interesting thing what’s happened in the advent of media. I’m not saying this is a bad thing or trying to get regressive. But, we as a society have focused on the relatively few examples of relationships shown to us in movies, tv, literature, etc. and forgotten about the rest – the real life stories, our very own stories.

We have forgotten that these are just plays of fiction. They are, as I said before, simply examples and not the standard. Even though we mostly see “happily ever afters,” they never go into what happens after the end of the move – unless there’s a sequel, of course.

One of those people or couples we see on the screen are bound to tell themselves, “I’m not happy in my relationship” because the fact is that life gets in the way. That’s not to say that if you are in a relationship, you are bound to be unsatisfied with it. What I’m here to do is offer words of encouragement and tell you to not single your relationship out as bad, dysfunctional, and not worth saving because you’re admitting that you are not happy in your couple.

Why am i not happy in a relationship : 3 things you need to know

When you are not happy in a relationship, a logical, and probably obvious, reason is that your needs, desires, and expectations from the relationship are not being met. Your significant other is being neglectful of the duties in the relationship, or of doing the necessary things to make and keep you happy. At best, he or she is ignorant and oblivious to this, and the issue can be solved with a productive conversation on the matter.

At worst, they are totally aware of your dissatisfaction and do not care, regardless of whether its a conscious or subconscious neglect. Neglect, in fact, is one of the two overarching, direct reasons why relationships fail. In any case, approaching this problem is going to require an examination of either your expectations from a relationship, or an examination on whether your partner can meet those expectations.

The second, more immediate reason people are not happy in a relationship is because they feel smothered by their partner. This can be viewed as the opposite of neglect – when you are too attentive. Now, this may sound counterintuitive to a lot of you, but I would bet that those of you who are asking yourselves, “Why am I so miserable in my relationship?” are probably the ones who are with a partner who is, as they say, “good on paper.” They are loving, affectionate, doting, and have all the qualities a person would want in a boyfriend or girlfriend.

But, the shower you with all their love and affection. They probably do most, if not all, of everything you say. They follow what it is you want to do, and they never put up a fight or an argument. If this sounds like you, it makes sense that you feel like this because people want a relationship, not a pet. Am I right?

I also want to warn you about a common reason for unhappiness in a relationship, that people usually don’t realize until they talk it out with a friend, loved one, or relationship coach. Men are more guilty of this than women, more often than not, and it deals with you taking the frustration of your own shortcomings out on the relationship and your partner.

It is virtually fact that if a man is having a hard time in his work-life, finding his true calling or a job he likes, isn’t earning as much as he would like, or any other job related woes, he is bound to take it out on his partner. This can put a particularly rough strain on the relationship because it’s difficult to discern how to tell if you’re not happy in a relationship, or if its the rest of your life that’s making you unhappy.

I am not happy with my relationship should I tell my partner ?

Honesty is the best policy for any relationship. But, there is such a thing as too much honesty, or being too honest. This is where admitting to your partner, “I am not happy in my relationship,” can go awry. You need to be clear on the nature of your unhappiness and be aware of how long you have truly been unhappy for.

It’s unfair to sit your partner down and have an in depth discussion about your relationship because they annoyed you earlier, or because they did something to tick you off that they usually never do. Conversely, you should speak to your partner if they are engaging in repeated behavior that had been previously addressed, and not doing anything to change.

So if push comes to shove, and you need to have that fateful conversation, try to pick the appropriate time to bring it up, or at least alert them to it. Don’t ruin your partner’s morning, and possibly the rest of their day, but telling him or her I’m not happy in my relationship before they go to work.

The same applies for telling them in the middle of the day. I also recommend not telling them you’re unhappy right before either of you goes to bed to avoid the possibility of getting sucked in to a serious discussion and staying up all night mentally and emotionally stressed, setting yourself for a bad day the next day.

If you are unhappy in relationship but love him or her then it won’t kill you to be a bit considerate. Be strategic in your approach and do not bring up this sore subject during important periods of your partner’s life. If your partner is working on an important project at work or has a professional milestone coming up, do not drop this potentially huge bomb on them.

Don’t make their emotional worse than it already is if they are going through a rough time with a friend or family member. For example, it would be a terrible time to tell your partner that you’re unhappy in your relationship during their grandmother’s funeral. On the opposite end of the spectrum, do not believe that the best time for alerting them of your unhappiness would be when they are in a good mood.

Their pre-existing state of jubilation doesn’t soften the blow, it only ruins it. And whatever you do, do it in private, and absolutely not in front of friends or family, unless you welcome judgment on your love life.

I am not happy in my relationship : Think before breaking up !

If you’re unsure of what to do in an unhappy relationship, I can first and foremost, clearly tell you to NOT BREAK UP. Talk about it first! Tell your partner what particular aspect of the relationship is making you unhappy, instead of telling them the entire relationship is not up to your standards, without any concrete examples. Is it lack of praise? Lack of attention to detail? Lack of sex? Are they around too much? Do you not have your own separate lives? Be honest, but be tactful. There’s no need to unnecessarily hurt your partner’s feelings.

Also remember that telling your partner that you’re not happy in relationship is not a blame game. So do not engage in finger pointing. It isn’t productive in the least bit unless its to demonstrate specific behavior that you want and need stopped.

It’s important that you avoid being intellectually and emotionally lazy by taking the easy route of blurting out your feelings with no solution behind them. A discussion, not an argumentative debate, with an end goal of solving a problem is the first step towards fixing the problem of being in an unhappy relationship. It isn’t about shaming the other person into showing them how much of a crappy boyfriend or girlfriend they have been. It’s about being an adult and taking action towards improving a situation.

Whatever the case may be in your own personal relationship that’s causing you to say I am not happy in my relationship, you’re going to need a bit of mental toughness in order to help the relationship survive.

And this goes for everyone. We all have fears and doubts about the most important matters and relationships in our lives. It’s normal. But, our partners look to us for security and comfort, just in the same way that we seek it from them.

And this comfort and security must be reciprocated in order to have a happy and healthy relationship. This sense of security isn’t based on the happiness level of the relationship for its own sake. It’s based on the level of commitment we are willing to exercise and demonstrate to our partner that we are not just going to end things or run away when things get hard, and instead are going to choose to work with our partner in order to solve a common hurdle in all relationships.


Your love expert

Alexandre Cormont

The author Alexandre Cormont

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