There are actually more reasons for being jealous than a person might think. Do you ever feel very possessive but then when you think about the situation, you realize that there maybe isn’t much to worry about? Or have you noticed this trait in yourself throughout all of your romantic relationships? Is your jealousy warranted or does it stem from a deeper rooted issue?
In this article we will explore where your feelings of jealousy stem from, what to do about them, and how to make them subside. This is one of the most common emotions that people feel, and it can pop up in all aspects of life. Do you have a real reason to be jealous, or is it a bad habit that’s driving you nuts? Do you know what the key to overcoming it is? Keep on reading and you’ll learn all about how to deal with jealousy.
Why do I feel so jealous?
Sometimes you are jealous in a relationship because your partner seems to be getting close to another person. Sometimes it’s because other people are very interested in your partner. At work, you might feel jealous because someone is clearly the boss’s favorite and you don’t feel like it’s fair. And then other times you catch yourself feeling jealous and possessive but you don’t quite know why the feeling is so intense. Luckily, there are many ways to deal with jealousy.
The first thing to do of course is to assess the situation. Evaluate your relationship. Does you partner make you feel secure in the relationship? Is there trust and honesty between you two? Do you two feel comfortable in talking to one another about serious subjects? Does your partner easily share with you and are you sincere with one another? Most feelings of jealousy are rooted in fear.
The next step is to assess yourself. Think about your own past and whether it could be linked to these feelings. Have you been cheated on before? People that have experienced heartbreak as a result of their partner’s infidelity sometimes take a while to trust again. It can lead to lower self esteem and mistrust of their current partner.
Speaking of self-esteem, when you’re feeling very confident, do you still feel jealous? If you do, take a look at the situation and determine whether there are “red flags” that are making it hard for you to trust your partner.
A lot of people compare themselves to others and it makes them feel insecure. If you’re feeling this way, take some time to focus on your best qualities. Remind yourself of why you’re so special. You could even write it down. You don’t even have to keep the paper if you don’t want to, but just the act of writing down positive things about yourself can make you feel considerably better.
Don’t believe me? Try it!
What about your family background? Did you grow up in a family in which you received enough attention? Where your parents reliable?
All of these factors can play a role in why a person might feel jealous. It will take putting things into perspective if you want to fully understand why you’re feeling this way. It’s the first step towards dealing with jealousy and overcoming it!
My partner is making me jealous
Now if your partner is doing things that are clearly related to your jealousy, it’s time to talk to them about it. In a healthy relationship the two partners make one another feel secure. If your significant other is not doing this for you, you have to communicate with them about what you’re feeling in the relationship.
Sometimes a partner doesn’t realize that what they’re doing could make you so uncomfortable, so it’s important to make sure they understand. Be calm about your approach. If it gets you really worked up, take some time to center yourself, and then share your feelings with your partner after you’ve calmed down.
Don’t play games, and don’t try to make your partner jealous too. There’s no point to this and it can easily spiral out of control. Remember; if there’s an issue in the relationship, the keys are communication and honesty.
How to deal with jealousy
If you feel like there is a tangible, concrete reason behind your feelings of jealousy towards your partner, as I mentioned above, you two need to talk about it. Work on nurturing trust in your relationship.
Sometimes a person’s imagination can run wild. They can start imagining their partner in scenarios and they can get really upset thinking about something that’s not even happening! People daydream, and their thoughts get carried away. So, the next time you notice this happening, turn it to your advantage.
Try to create positive daydreams. Imagine your partner in situations that make you feel good! Use your imagination to make you feel better… not worse.
Start practicing awareness. Think about what the reality is, and what the current situation is. Focus on positive moments.
Another useful tip is to actually name your jealousy. Acknowledge it, because in doing so, it will become less powerful. If you say out loud, “I’m jealous of…” it will lose its intensity and you’re no longer embarrassed by it.
Is it ok to be jealous?
To be perfectly honest, a small amount of jealousy isn’t terrible. The key word is small… A little bit of it can actually serve as a nice little ego boost for your partner.
Imagine that you see some other interesting person chatting with your significant other. If you go over and say hi, your partner could take it as you being proud to be their partner and you want it to be known. You have to be careful though…. It’s a delicate thing and you never want to take it too far.
Jealousy becomes a problem when it starts creating tension between two people and when it begins to affect the trust in a relationship.
Work on figuring out the root of the issue, determine whether or not there is an actual problem, and then you will know how to proceed. Remember the importance of trust and security in a relationship, and both you and your partner need to make an effort to make the other feel safe.
If you feel that your possessiveness is stemming from something your partner is doing, you’ve got to discuss it with them openly. The more you let something simmer inside, the harder it will be to talk about while remaining calm.
Jealousy can tear a relationship apart so it’s crucial to nip it in the butt as early as possible. It’s a normal feeling that everyone feels at some point in their life, but that doesn’t mean that you should give it any power over you.
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach for dealing with jealousy