When we’re in a break up, it’s really natural, and maybe even fundamental for many people out there, to binge on break up love songs. After all, they feel our pain and share our fears, right? Sometimes, an artist or songwriter can find the words that we can’t find ourselves, and therefore, music can actually serve as catharsis – or a mode of releasing the tensions we build during a breakup. However, it’s also important to acknowledge that with anything good, comes a little bad. So, it’s worth mentioning that even though breakup songs can really help, they can also keep us stuck in them. But, many of us want to stay stuck. We want to hang on, right?
In this article, I’ll discuss why we listen to breakup songs, whether or not they’re actually helpful, and of course, I’ll list a couple of the best break up love songs out there. This article is also supposed to be fun, and so, if you’ve found a particular breakup love song that I haven’t listed that’s really helped you during this difficult period, I invite you to leave a comment. Let me know what you’re listening to and how it’s affected you and helped you cope. I’d love to continue expanding my list of excellent break up love songs.
Why listening to break up song chan be helpful ?
So, here we go – let’s discuss why we listen to songs on and about breakups. Firstly, it’s important to know we aren’t alone. In a breakup, we have a person, or group of people, speaking a couple of languages we can really understand – the languages of love and loss and pain and downright confusion. When we listen to these songs, we’re able to communicate subconsciously with these people, and able to channel our emotional intent into them and them into us. We connect with them deeply for the song’s duration. This is a great way of us to avoid feeling alone, and like we have the support of a team or at least are able to find comfort in the fact that we aren’t the only people in the world who have gone through this before. Knowing that this is a situation, or at least a set of feelings, that so many have felt and survived can give us hope. It can give it a sense of “tomorrow”.
Secondly, we have the opportunity to get the emotions out of us! What a relief! Phew! By listening to breakup music, we get to turn up the volume in our bedrooms, in our cars, on planes, trains and at work if we can, and scream out all the words we haven’t been able to say. Maybe, we’re screaming words we’re afraid to say. Or, maybe we didn’t even know we wanted to say them? Regardless of the reason, we finally get them out of our chest!.By doing that, even if it’s just for an instant or a handful of minutes, we’re able to get rid of the weight of those emotions and how they impact us. For a moment, a SECOND – we’re free. For a short period of time, we can truly displace our pain and feel the relief we’ve been looking for. What a luxury, right?
Lastly, we listen to break up love songs because we don’t want to let go of the relationship. We want to hang onto it and keep it alive. By listening the breakup songs, we get to continue focussing on the relationship – we relive the good, we relive the bad. We keep ourselves stuck in it.
Now, we need to ask ourselves, are break up love songs actually helpful? Do they really heal us? Or is being hooked on breakup love songs only further preventing us from moving on or healing? I’m sure the answer the these questions are relative to the person in the moment. However, I did want to take into this from a professional perspective.
In my opinion, breakup love songs are critical in the healing process. Rather than keep you stuck, they actually can indirectly force you to grieve and reflect on the love lost. This actually means you’re healing and growing and understanding what went wrong. If your goal is to get your ex back, understanding why the breakup happened is the number one most important thing you’ll need to identify and correct. This being said, breakup love songs may be a real handy tool. However, like I previously mentioned, with every good there is bad. It’s important to limit how many love songs your binging on. Maybe give yourself an hour a day to wallow in the pains associated with the breakup with your favorite breakup love songs or just the most recently or popular break up love songs. When that hour is up, though, it’s going to be really important for you to turn off the radio or music application and get back to your life. Do not let it consume you completely. I cannot stress this enough. If you spend the entire day binging, the positives that come with listening to breakup love songs become negative and therefore lose their power to help heal you.
To spin off of whether or not they are helpful, I want to take this topic one step further – I encourage you to start writing down your own words and feelings. Start playing a few instruments of your own. Make the music yourself. This is another excellent healing mechanism. For many of you reading this, you think that suggestion is a little ridiculous. However, think about it this way – if you haven’t tried it and you’re still feeling lousy and you’re reading this article to cure the feelings of lousiness, then what you’ve done so far hasn’t done the trick. Therefore, what do you have to lose? What’s the harm in trying? Sit in a quiet and private place and give it a go. If you aren’t able to work with instruments of if they aren’t readily available to you, download an App for your phone or computer! There are so many virtualized instruments these days, so that’s no excuse to use!
Try making music for one full week, allocating about 45 minutes a day if you’re able. By the end of that week, let’s see how you feel. Have you reflected on the events that led to the breakup? Do you feel more in tune with what happened? Have you considered ways to correct it? Let the music express all of this! I promise, if you do, you’ll truly being the healing process. Hey, maybe you can end up writing an incredible album and turn into the next Adelle! What do you really have to lose? When it comes to music and catharsis and healing from a breakup, you only have lots to gain.
The best list of the best breakup songs is here !
Now for what may be my favorite part of this article. The list of love songs. As a major music person, this exercise quickly became a really tedious process. I called my parents, to tap into their generation, and called my friends. It was important for me to develop a well rounded list for everyone, but the task became (and still is!) tremendously difficult.
Initially, I was going to limit this list to Top 5 Best Break Up Songs, but narrowing the list was far too difficult, because there are just so many able to affect us and how we feel during a breakup. So, I’ve created a compilation of my top 20 Breakup Love Songs. As I mentioned in the introduction of this article, I invite you to leave a comment with your favorite Breakup Love Song and how it’s impacted you during this really challenging chapter in your life. If you do not live in the United States, thats OK! Please list any breakup love song from your local region, regardless of language and song release date. In time, I’d like to make collections of songs for different areas around the world so that everyone can feel included in this process and so that everyone has access to great love songs regardless of their location! Love can really unite us, and so, I really encourage you to get involved in this article.
The list below is a blend of 2 types of breakup love songs: ones to make you cry and ones to make you empowered to regain confidence. The reason for this is because I feel like there are so many levels of a breakup, and after a while, even though we’re still emotionally destroyed, we get tired of hurting and want to find some music to lift us back up.
One more note on the point of lifting back up (I know you just want the list, already!) during a breakup. Well, if you want your ex back, you’ll need confidence in order to achieve that desired outcome. Your ex doesn’t want to see you in collapse mode. Why? Well, guilt isn’t a long term solution. They may feel terrible for a few moments, as they don’t want to be the ones responsible for infecting so much pain.
However, after a while, their dissatisfaction with the relationship will resurface and you’ll be right back where you are right now. Therefore, the real way to get them back is to become organically re-attracted to you. That’s where the confidence comes in! We are attracted to people who are confident and aware of all they have to offer. We are inspired by people like this, and naturally, want to be with people we find to be inspiring. So, the fastest way to get your ex back, consequently, will be to become as confident and self-aware and as inspiring as possible. In music terms, this will mean turning off the Toni Braxton (who, in my opinion, deserves a crowned location on this list) and turn up the TLC!
- Toni Braxton – Unbreak My Heart
- Adele – Send my Love to your New Lover
- Adele – When We Were Young
- Beyonce – Irreplaceable
- Justin Timerlake – Cry Me A River
- Passenger – Let Her Go
- Gavin Degraw – Not Over You
- One Republic – Apologize
- Chris Brown / Drake – Deuces Remix
- TLC – No Scrubs
- Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On
- Usher – You Got it Bad
- Johnny Cash – Hurt
- A Great Big World – Say Something
- NSync – Bye Bye Bye
- Rihanna – Stay
- Shania Twain – That Don’t Impress Me Much
- Alanis Morissette – You Oughta Know
- Justin Bieber – Love Yourself
- Rihanna – Needed Me
I hope you liked my scattered Breakup Love Songs list of 20 top Breakup Love Songs and more importantly, gained insight on why binging on love songs may be an excellent and effective way to mourn a break up, relive a breakup, and ultimately, begin to heal from the breakup. You deserve to feel all the feels, let them be good or bad – and there are so many artists around the world channeling everything inside of your chest. Do not rob yourself of the opportunity to feel these things and those struggles with them. Music is truly such a uniting tool and with the internet and endless amount of music access so many of us around the world have, we really have the luxury of exploring these songs on command.
Wishing you the best today and always, and of course, wishing you a great Break Up Love Song Sound Track,
Coach Natalie
