You’re in a serious relationship but someone else has caught your eye. You feel like you’re caught between two possibilities and you’re not sure which way to turn. While each situation is unique, there are some guidelines to help you see clearly and to understand what you really want. What do you do if you’re in a relationship but you’re attracted to someone else? Why are you interested in somebody else? Do you tell your partner about it? What do you choose?
Sometimes when a person is in a relationship, they can be surprised with strong feelings for someone other than their partner. At first it might be exciting, then it becomes confusing, and if it goes far enough it can become very stressful.
It’s not easy to know what to do when you’re falling for someone else, but in this article you will learn ways to explore what you’re feeling and figure out what to do about it. There are a variety of factors that can help explain these emotions so you’ll have to evaluate the situation and your current relationship.
Why am I falling for someone else?
Take a moment to think about your current relationship. Is it brand new? If you haven’t been with your partner for a very long time and you’re already experiencing strong feelings for another person, it most likely means that A. you’re not very invested or B. you’re hesitant to commit.
This hesitation could be because you’re nervous to jump in to a full blown serious relationship, or because you’re not sure if your feelings are strong enough for your current partner. These are important things to figure out before proceeding.
If you’re in a serious relationship already, chances are that something is missing and you’re looking for it or noticing it in other people. When you are falling for someone else while you’re already in committed relationship, it should serve as a wake up call.
This is most likely a sign that you are currently unsatisfied.
Maybe you’re bored with the routine so you’re attracted to something fresh and exciting. Maybe your partner doesn’t share the same passions as you do, and this new person does.
What do I do if I like someone else?
The next step is the hardest. You’re going to have to make a choice. Once you’ve assessed the situation and figured out what exactly you’re feeling and why, you’ll have to decide whether you’re going to remain with your partner or pursue your new interest.
If you are in the beginning of a relationship, take some time to think about what you want and why you want it. It’ll be slightly easier for you, as emotions haven’t had the change to become extremely deep-rooted yet.
If you decided to leave your current partner, the cut will not be as deep. It’s up to you to decide which path you want to take. Remember, being true to one’s heart is of upmost importance.
If on the other hand you’re already in a committed and serious relationship, you’re going to have to think about what exactly is missing and gauge whether you want to repair it or move on. Think about whether it’s fixable or not, and how much you’re willing to invest.
That said, if you decide to stay, you will need to cut the cord with the “other person.” It’s impossible to fully focus on repairing your current relationship and restoring it to its former glory if you’re still eyeing someone else. It’s not fair to your current partner, and it’s not fair to yourself either.
Should I stay or should I go?
Only you can know the answer to this. You could take a little weekend getaway on your own to really clear your mind and reflect on where your thoughts are going. Imagine life without one of the two people. Which version do you feel better in? Leaving is a leap of faith, and staying means a little work. Which idea attracts you more?
Another thing you can do, (something very delicate,) is to talk openly to your current partner about what you’re feeling. Honesty is always important, and you might find peace in sharing with your partner.
It will hurt them, so you need to be careful with your presentation (and it’s up to you to gauge whether you should share this with them or not.) It’s important to protect your partner.
Maybe they’ve noticed a change and are wondering what’s going on. Perhaps they want to know what they can do to improve things. Keep in mind that this could easily cause them pain, so if your partner is very sensitive and prone to jealousy, perhaps it’s not a good idea to tell them that someone else has caught your eye and you don’t know what to do about it.
Each situation is different, and will require a fair amount of analysis. I know it’s hard to choose sometimes, but make sure you think it through all the way. You don’t want to have regrets in love.
If you’re really stuck, it could help to talk about it with someone you trust. They might have some useful advice for you and maybe just talking about it out loud will help clarify things. Perhaps they know your partner and can help put things into perspective for you in one way or another.
Take this opportunity to get to know yourself a bit better. Is this is the first time this is happening or have you seen this trait before? Have you been attracted to other people while in other relationships?
Perhaps you will have to do some work in the commitment department. Is this not the first time you’ve been attracted to this specific individual while you’re with someone else?
You will have to take a closer look at what exactly is so alluring about this other person. What keeps grabbing your attention and is it something that doesn’t exist in your current relationship?
Perhaps the person you’re falling for is someone you’ve already been with and maybe deep down you feel that your story isn’t quite finished.
These are all very important details that need to be acknowledged before you can know how to proceed.
If you decide to leave, my advice is to not tell your partner that you’ve left them because you were falling for someone else. Ideally, if you decide to leave, it should be because you are unhappy in the relationship; not because someone else is more interesting. This will help ensure that you don’t feel regret later on down the line.
Wishing you all the best during this confusing period,
Your coach for knowing how to handle feelings for someone other than your partner