When you’re in a position where you’ve recently split from your partner, sometimes you can’t help but want to spy after the breakup on your ex. It’s a normal attempt this. After all, the curiosity can really be a killer! Now that the breakup has occurred and your ex has a bit more time and freedom than they previously did, and it’s natural for you to be curious about how they’re using this new lifestyle. You may be asking yourself, “how do I spy on my ex without getting caught?” (of course!).
Because of our natural desires of peer into our ex’s lives post breakup, I wanted to take some time to write and address the types of ways someone can spy on their ex healthily (without crossing boundaries, making them uncomfortable, or make them more distant with you than ever!!) and also, why in many circumstances, spying on your ex may actually be the opposite of what you want to do. Remember, just because it feels good and gives you a (false) sense of control, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a good idea. However, more on this later! For now, let’s get right to spying.
How to spy on ex ?
If you’re trying to find ways on how to spy on girlfriend after the end of the relationship: here are a few tips that can help, without you being written off as a creep.
How to spy on girlfriend after the end of the relationship
- If you have kids together: Children are an excellent way to peep into your partners life. You’ll be able to see how they’re doing without having to ask them directly, and you’ll be able to see how their demeanors after spending time with her. This can be positive because it can shed some insight on how she’s feeling, and how she may be presenting her emotions to her children. Similarly, you’ll also be able to showcase all the changes you’ve made to your ex through your children, if you two have kids together. Make sure to set up fun and exciting activities to do with them, as they’ll send that information back to Mom when they see her next.
- Mutual Friends: If you don’t have kids, then mutual friends can be excellent and organic ways to tap into how your ex girlfriend is doing. It’s important to realize that many people in your immediate network have very close ties to her and may know more about how she’s really taking the breakup than her own parents or siblings! However, make sure that you aren’t the one asking about the breakup or venting about the breakup. The information must be handed to you. For instance, if your friend says “oh, I saw your ex the other day, she didn’t look too great”, you can ask something to the effect of, “why?” or “how could you tell?”. If you receive the info in this style, it’s unlikely that they’ll go back to your ex with the insight that you still want to get back together or know how they’re doing. Remember, spying is all about not being caught! If your mutual friends do not hand off this information willingly, then it’s important that you don’t pry. If they do not bring up your ex, you can’t either. I know that many of you reading this are thinking, “of course I’m going to ask about my ex”. However, trust me, if you want to reduce the damage done, you’ll avoid this. It’s truly in your best interest.
- If you work together: If you work together, spying is a cake walk. You’ll have almost daily access to them! It’s a no brainer! However, the way in which you spy here will be very important. If you’re both in the same place, your ex is likely to detect your spying much more easily. Be mindful of this, because if you get caught, then she knows you still want her, and then she has all the control. That’s never what we want. Rather, try to be subtle about it. Try overhearing her conversations, while never interrupting them. When you walk past her cubicle, check into how her face looks. However, make sure not to find excuses to walk by all the time. If she finds you increasing your chances of seeing her, she’ll also believe that she’s the motive and therefore, that she gets to control the tempo of rekindling the relationship.
- Social Media: If you’re trying to spy on girlfriend, social media can be a really natural and healthy way to peek into her life without being invasive or violating their privacy. Common social media platforms to achieve this can be: FaceBook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat. The beauty of social media is that you can see her life, but also that she can see yours. Allow for her to also tune into how you’re doing! If you showcase your personal development, she’ll begin to see the changes she needed to see before you two even speak. This can be very advantageous! If she’s blocked you on all social media, which does happen when relationships and/or breakups get messy – then I invite you to take a look at our product, How To Get Your Ex Back When Blocked on Social Media, as it can help you get the “unblock” you’re looking for.
Spying on boyfriend when he leaves you
As previously mentioned, when it comes to how to spy on an ex, getting caught is the absolutely worst. If your focus is spying on boyfriend, here are a few tips that can help:
- Kids : Like I mentioned in the section above, children are likely the best way to spy on your ex. With children, you’ll be able to check in on your ex boyfriend without the potential of being accused on prying. Rather, it’s essentially part of parenting to make sure the other partner looking after the children is in good spirits and emotionally aware of their actions. Similarly, remember, they may also be using the same method to track you! Make sure you’re setting up fun, new and exciting things to do, so that they can tell your ex that you’re A-OK!
- Social networking : For many, an ex boyfriend may have a social routine. Maybe they have a weekly sports league, bar hop, boys night. There’s so many ways for them to be out and wandering. This may be a great opportunity for you to drop by casually (and when you’re strong enough to handle it!). If you two are in college, for instance, there may be a cluster of local bars he often visits, and you can pop by with your friends. Remember, if you encounter your ex in person, make sure not to be forceful of their attention or time. It’s important for him to note that you’re understanding of the fact that you two aren’t together and that you’re capable of control your emotions.
- Working together: If the two of you work together, you are going to have an easy time spying on your ex boyfriend. However, something that’s so available and accessible can often generate a greater margin of error – so be careful! If you’re spying on an ex at work, make sure to do it from a distance. It’s likely that you’ll hear their conversations, and see their movements. Try, rather than interrupting the conversation or making your efforts obvious, to read your ex’s body language and overall demeanor. If you feel you aren’t qualified to assess his behaviors without engaging, then I invite you to reach out to us. We can help you identify how he’s feeling without putting yourself in harms way. Remember, the point of spying on your ex is to avoid them tracing your efforts back to you. Please always be mindful of this!
- Social Media: As mentioned in the previous section, social media can also be an excellent way of spying on an ex. However, make sure not to overdo it! Don’t open their snap stories just as they’ve posted it. Make sure that they question how busy and available you are. If you’re constantly checking – they may question whether or not you’ve moved on!
Spy on girlfriends phone or boyfriends phone after a breakup
Before I dive into some other reasons why and how spying can work against you, I wanted to dedicate a brief portion to this article on the people who actively spy on girlfriends phone or boyfriends phone after a breakup.
Many of you reading this article have access to your ex’s passwords. You may share a phone plan, have their AppleID, or gmail login information, sometimes even share bank accounts. If you are reading this article and have access to any of the items of networks I’ve just listed, then it’s going to be very important for you to delete all of that information. It’s so critical for you not to invade your ex’s privacy. A few reasons for this are listed below:
- Spying on your ex in this way is disrespectful and uninvited. If you don’t respect your ex, then you’ll likely continue to mistreat your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend again in the future. If you really want them back for the long-term, then respect will be essential to you. If you violate it during the breakup period, then you’re likely to continue violating it when the rekindling process commences and/or materializes.
- If your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend catches you going through their messages, then your chances of getting your ex back becomes much, much lower. They will feel like you’ve validated the reasons why they left, and will likely further believe that you’re incapable of change and are still not able to give them the life that they want to live and that partnership they want to have.
Now that we’ve covered why violating their privacy is a terrible idea, here are a few reasons by the basic element of spying may actually hurt really you.
The first reason largely deals with getting caught : if they find out you’re spying, you may really be putting no contact in jeopardy. If your ex receives notice that you’re looking in on their lives, they will feel empowered. They’ll be happy that you care enough to see what they’re up to, and are likely to interpret this knowledge as them being the ones in control of the breakup. Now, they’ve confirmed that they’re still desired by you, and this can make No Contact much less impactful and in turn make it much easier for them to stay away from you.
It can really hinder your personal development. It’s important to recognize that you shouldn’t be spying on your ex until you’re ready to handle it. If seeing your ex sends you into a downward spiral of self down and depression, where you ask yourself “what are they thinking,” and “do I still have a chance?”, then it’s just too soon to spy. I say this because, if you find content that makes you unhappy in any way, it can directly affect your confidence. Confidence is something that is so critical in the re-attraction process, and without it, your likelihood of succeeding tremendously lowers. Remember, your ex will be more attracted to your strengths and not your weaknesses. If tapping into their lives only sets your life back, then is it really worth it?
It’s completely normal to want to spy on your ex. Many of us feel as lost and panicky as you are likely feeling right now. However, just make sure that spying is safe, not violating of their privacy, and equally not violating your progress or self esteem. If spying on your girlfriend or spying on your boyfriend jeopardizes your personal development and growth, than spying isn’t the right move.
If you are wondering if the tips I’ve listed above will work for you, I invite you to contact us by the coaching page.
The more we learn about you, the more we can help, and the more we can support you on your quest of trying to get back with your ex.
Coach Nat
