You’ve been with your boyfriend for a while now and you’re starting to wonder why he’s not taking it to the next step. Maybe you’ve dreamt of this since you were a little girl… Celebrating love with friends and family and sharing this special moment with the man you love as you build your life together.
You see your friends getting married or having kids and you’d like to be in the same stage of your life. It would be so exciting and you’d be so happy… And you’re thinking it’s about time. So why won’t he pop the question?
A lot of women find themselves at a point in their relationship with their significant other when they feel ready to get married, but their partner doesn’t seem to be making the first move. Most women want the man to be the one to propose, but can feel frustrated when he’s not doing so.
There are some very common mistakes that people in your situation make, and they don’t even know that they’re lessening the chances of making their man want to propose! In this article we will explore some of the reasons why your boyfriend could be holding back as well as what to do to make him more inclined to pop the question.
Why do I want him to propose now?
Have you been thinking this for a while now or is it a relatively new thought? I’ve seen a lot of people suddenly feel pressured to get married when they see their friends tying the knot left and right. It can turn into a subconscious competition, and they are comparing themselves to other people without even realizing it.
This just makes a person feel stressed out and in truth, it’s completely pointless. Just because your best friend is engaged, does it mean that your relationship with your partner is doomed if you don’t do the same?
Always remember to be careful with these types of comparisons. Your relationship is completely unique and has nothing to do with anyone else. It’s between you and your partner, and your marriage should not serve as some kind of contest. Of course this is a subconscious feeling (as I mentioned above,) but be careful of these types of thoughts.
Maybe your family has been putting some pressure on you. Unfortunately family members often do this without even realizing it. “So when’s the big day gonna be?” It starts to make you worry that maybe you should already be planning a marriage and you feel stressed out and you think why won’t be propose??.
These types of things can make you wonder if he’ll ever do it, and it can actually make tensions rise in the relationship. But more on that later.
Another reason why some people want to get married is that they actually fear losing their partner. In their minds, if they don’t make it official, their boyfriend will leave them. This isn’t a healthy way to think. I’m sorry to put it so bluntly, but the foundations of a healthy and happy relationship are trust, and the feeling of security.
If you’re not feeling like your relationship is built to last, work on strengthening the bond between you before you start focusing on marriage. Remember, there’s no reason to be in a rush! Enjoy the relationship and everything falls into place when the time is right!
Perhaps you want to get married for none of the reasons above. You just feel ready. Plain and simple. You’ve been together for X amount of years, you’re in love, and this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. You want to have kids, and maybe you don’t want to do that before you two are married.
You just feel like you’re ready to take this step together and begin a new, exciting chapter together. You’re both so happy together and you can’t imagine life without him.
So why hasn’t he popped the question?
Why won’t he propose?
There are so many reasons why a man may be hesitant to ask for someone’s hand in marriage, and in most cases, it’s not the end of the world and it DOESN’T mean that he’ll never ask you. Some men just need time.
More often than not, a man is happy in the relationship and is already very satisfied with the way things are. I’ve heard many men in my group of friends say that they’re not against the idea of marriage; they just don’t exactly understand what it changes. If the relationship is already great, what does a ceremony and a piece of paper do?
A way to gauge how your partner feels about marriage is to talk to them about it and pay attention to their reaction. If he’s calm and talks about it with ease, chances are that you’re more or less on the same page and it will happen in the relatively near future.
If he becomes moody and closed off, he might be a person that doesn’t believe in marriage. There are a lot of men and women that don’t believe in it simply because they either don’t see the point, or are afraid that it will change things. Your partner could be so happy with the way things are that they’re nervous that the dynamic will change if you go through some big ceremony.
Some people are also very pessimistic when it comes to marriage. You hear people say all the time that more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. Your partner might not want to risk that, because they want to stay with you happily ever after.
What does your partner say when you ask them their thoughts on the subject? Keep in mind, your approach has to be very relaxed.
Speaking of which, let’s talk a bit about the no-no’s of getting your boyfriend to propose.
What not to do when you want your boyfriend to ask for your
In this situation, the absolute worst thing you could possibly do is to pressure them. The more your boyfriend feels forced to marry you, the less they will want to do so. It’s a huge step, and can you imagine someone pressuring you to make such a huge commitment?
Similarly, if you really do care about this person and you really do want to spend the rest of your life with them, steer clear of the dreaded ultimatum. Do not ever, and I mean EVER say, “Marry me or I’ll leave you.”
Let’s think about this. Would you really want to marry someone because you in essence forced them to do so? How would it feel whenever you thought about it down the line, knowing that he didn’t plan proposing to you because he wanted to, and because he wanted the share the rest of his life with you, but because you told him that he’d lose you all together if he didn’t?
The best thing to do is to make him happy. Enjoy your relationship, be enthusiastic, have fun together, work on bringing joy and excitement. The more alive and happy he feels in the relationship, the more he will want to spend his life with you!
Similarly, the more you pressure and suffocate him, the less he will want to propose.
Another thing to do (which is important at any stage of your life,) is to concentrate on making your personal life exactly what you want it to be. Work on your hobbies, your projects, and your goals, and be proud of what you’re doing. Men respond very positively to a strong, independent woman that is enjoying life and taking it by the horns. They respond negatively to neediness and arm-twisting.
Focus on making your relationship amazing so that he’ll want to make it last forever!
Wishing you all the best
Your coach for understanding why he isn’t proposing.